For you, always
by MissOceanborn
Summary: Lexi McNaughton returns to Hogwarts as an Auror, charged with protecting the students from recently escaped convict Sirius Black. As she struggles to contain her own demons of the past, she finds comfort from a very unlikely source... **Re-uploaded version of previous story**
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Checking the clock on the mantle piece, Severus sighed and rose from his desk. He had been planning his lessons until way past midnight and his eyes suddenly felt as if they were carrying a ten tonne weight. He filed away his work for the night and with a flick of his wand eliminated all the candles in his office. As he walked to his quarters in the dungeons of Hogwarts castle, the dread of knowing that in the next couple of days the castle would be filled with the inane chatter of adolescence crept up on him once more. He preferred the castle as it was, quiet and peaceful, with the ability to walk from one part of the grounds to another without reprimanding idiotic behaviour.

He closed the heavy door to his quarters behind him and hung his black teaching robes on the stand by the door. Looking at the empty room that lay before him he felt his heart sink, every night he was struck with the same feeling of loneliness and depression. Even though he had grown used to the feeling over the years, the effect it had on his mood had remained the same. He reached for a bottle of Fire Whiskey in the glass cabinet and poured himself a generous glass; he couldn't seem to get to sleep without a shot these days. With a single blink of his eye, the fireplace sprang to life and warmth washed over him. Taking a large gulp of whiskey, he closed his eyes and sighed loudly.

He knew that this term would be more unbearable than the last; he past seemed to be forcing him to relive his more distressing memories. Remus Lupin would be filling the post as Defence against the Dark Arts teacher, a man whom Severus loathed more than words could say. Lupin had been part of the gang of boys that made his life hell during Hogwarts, and even though Lupin had never taken an active role in the abuse, he had also never tried to stop it; he was a prefect after all but stood by and watched his two friends, Sirius Black and James Potter, systematically torment him for seven year. But what enraged him the most was that Lupin was a werewolf, and Dumbledore had seen him fit to teach Defence!

A sudden rap at the door jolted him from his stupor, his brows furrowed as he clocked the time to be nearing 1am. Rising to his feet with a grumble, he opened the door just enough to see the amused expression of the Hogwarts headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. Sighing audibly, he opened the door fully and allowed Dumbledore passage, the aged Headmaster nodded his head in thanks.

"Bit late for a nightcap, eh Severus?" Dumbledore commented, eyeing the now half empty bottle of Firewhiskey.

"I do not think it is any of your business what I do behind closed doors." Severus snapped, striding away from his old friend and snatching up his glass and flopping back onto the couch. "What are you doing here?"

"I was having trouble sleeping, and it occurred to me that in order to remedy this I needed to forewarn you of something." Dumbledore answered cryptically, sitting beside Severus and clasping his hands on his lap.

Severus rolled his eyes and exhaled loudly in frustration. "What it is, pray tell, that was so important for you to inform me of that you saw fit to wander the castle at this godforsaken hour?" Severus drawled, feeling what little was left of his patience leave him.

"I have taken Minerva's advice and ordered an Auror from the Ministry to aid with the security for the castle, as I do not trust the dementors." Dumbledore enlightened, ignoring Severus' mood. "They shall be sending someone in the morning."

Severus paused, waiting for more, but the headmaster simply stared at him with an expression of one sitting on a proverbial bombshell. "That's it?" Severus clarified incredulously. "You came to me in the dead of night to inform me we're having an Auror stay at the castle?"

"I would not feel the need to speak with you now if that was all I had to reveal." Dumbledore said tellingly, observing Severus over the top of his spectacles. "The Auror in question is a Miss Lexi McNaughton, and I have a feeling your may remember her."

Severus felt as though he'd been punched in the chest. Lexi McNaughton had not only taken the company of Black and Potter at Hogwarts, but she had been Lily Evans' best friend. Her presence had become synonymous with Lily's, especially after the events of fifth year that led to Lily dissolving her friendship with him. She, like Lupin, had not been directly involved with Potter and Black's torment, but she'd hung awkwardly on the side-lines observing what was happening with feigned indifference. To top it all off, she been part of the Auror team who was responsible for his arrest during his days working as a spy for Dumbledore after he'd turned against Voldemort and the Death Eaters. This, of course, was something only he and the Headmaster knew of, and Dumbledore had secured his acquittal in exchange for his services, but she'd campaigned tirelessly against his release and this left an incredibly bitter taste in Severus' mouth, despite the fact that she wasn't privy to all of the facts.

"You cannot be serious?" Severus said through gritted teeth. "First Lupin and now … her? Do you wish to put me through hell this year, Dumbledore?"

"It was not my intention, Severus." Dumbledore assured calmly. "Miss McNaughton is ranked amongst the senior Aurors at the Ministry and so has been entrusted with this particular assignment. She has quite the formidable reputation, almost as much as Alastor if my sources on the grapevine are to be believed."

"I am well acquainted with her reputation, as you well know." Severus spat viciously, filling his glass once more to the brim. "Haven't I been through enough without having to face to two ghouls of my past knocking down the door?"

"This is not a personal vendetta, Severus." Dumbledore assured with mild amusement. "I have met with Lexi several times since Hogwarts and I've found her nothing less than delightful."

"I don't recall her tackling you to the ground and threatening to hex you into the next century." Severus griped puerilely. "She did, as I recall, vehemently go against your testimony as to my turn of face."

"She was only doing her job, you know that as well as I." Dumbledore said sternly. "I can assure you, Lexi has been through her fair share of tribulations over the last few years." Dumbledore added seriously. "It was not only you that lost something that night, in fact one may say that Lexi lost more than most."

"I did not think grief was a competition." Severus muttered into his glass, draining the remainder of the amber liquid. "McNaughton has proved to be nothing more than a thorn in my side during each of our encounters."

Dumbledore chuckled and got to his feet. "Don't be so quick to dismiss the news as bad, Severus." He advised, getting to his feet. "Sometimes we find just what we need at times when we do not expect to, and in those we least expect."

"Ever the optimist." Severus responded sardonically. "I swear that you are conspiring against my desire to be left alone."

"I shall see you for the debrief tomorrow, Severus." Dumbledore said as he opened the door. "Goodnight."

Severus grunted a response and heard the door close as Dumbledore left the room. Severus doubted very much that he'd find anything other than contempt for McNaughton, their past dealings had been tainted with mostly indifference but at times loathing. He couldn't even remember what she looked like; his last recollection of her was while she wrestled him to the ground during his arrest. He had to admit she had the sort tenacity he admired in a person, but her association with Black and Potter was enough to cloud his opinion of her. Long forgotten recollections soon filled his increasingly wearied mind, and he drifted into a restless daze in his chair as flashes from the past entwined themselves with a pair of familiar green eyes.

Lexi McNaughton stood before the headmaster's office, nervously straightening her robes. Her clumsy apparition to the castle had resulted in her stumbling into a nearby thistle bush at the entrance gates, causing her to have a rather more dishevelled appearance than she'd like. Cursing the knots that formed in her waist length, rose-blonde curls she resigned herself to the fact that she'd have to present herself looking as though she'd come off worse in a fight with a troll. It had been sixteen years since she'd stepped foot inside Hogwarts, and the walls practically reverberating with the ghosts of those she'd long since put to bed. Everywhere she looked she saw fleeting images of those she had loved and lost, and felt a rising pang in her chest. Taking a deep, but shaky breath she rapped was purpose on the heavy wooden door to the Headmaster's office.

"Ah Lexi, what a pleasure it is to see you again!" Exclaimed Dumbledore, rising from behind his desk. Dumbledore motioned for Lexi to take one of the seats in front of him.

"So good to see you too, Albus." Smiled Lexi closing the door behind her. "I cannot say I care for the circumstances, however."

"I doubt many of us do," Dumbledore sighed regretfully. "Still, it is marvellous to see you looking so well."

"Thank you, Albus." Lexi blushed, reaching into her bag for the files Scrimgeour had given her. "These are my assignment documents, they outline your request for an Auror presence and the agreement made with the Head of the Auror Office." Lexi explained. "Rufus has asked that I be given a position at the castle, as we both agree it would be detrimental to the students if they were to be made aware of my official task."

"I couldn't agree more," Dumbledore affirmed brightly. "What do you suggest?"

"Well, I understand you've already filled the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, but might I suggest a supporting role? One of my previous roles at the Auror academy was as a duelling master. I could always supplement the Professor's lessons with duelling instruction?"

"Perfect!" He exclaimed happily, clapping his hands together. "I feel confident that you will exceed your predecessor in that role."

"I couldn't possibly comment," Lexi said with a mischievous grin. "Are the staff ready for the debrief?"

"They are assembling as we speak," Dumbledore confirmed, walking round his desk and offering her his arm. "Shall we?"

Lexi bowed her head courteously and allowed Dumbledore to steer her from the room. The onslaught of reminiscences that bombarded her senses almost overwhelmed her as they snaked round the stonewalled corridors. Despite Scrimgeour's confidence in her abilities, Lexi had her reservations about her assignment at the castle. She hadn't returned since her final year at school here. As they approached the door to the staff room, Dumbledore paused and turned to face her.

"I should warn you, Severus Snape teaches at the school." He announced abruptly. "I understand you have a – ahh – chequered past."

Lexi blinked furiously in surprise. "S-Severus Snape?" She spluttered. "I didn't realise …"

"He's our Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House," Dumbledore explained. "I feel it my duty as your temporary employer to warn you not to take his attitude to heart, he is that way with everyone."

Lexi smiled weakly as Dumbledore pushed open the staff room door and beckoned her inside. Snape's presence would be problematic as their last encounter had been anything less than amiable.

"May I introduce Miss Lexi McNaughton," Dumbledore announced to the room, and the hushed chatter than had filled the room upon their arrival ceased immediately. "Although I am sure her reputation within these walls precedes her."

Lexi gave the staff a cheerful wave as they rose from their seats to greet her, many of her long suffering Professors approached with trepidation as the last they'd seen of her she was in the company of two of Hogwarts' most notorious students. Professor McGonagall in particular seemed unable to keep the well-trained look of disapproval from her expression.

"I hardly recognised you without your many-hued mane," McGonagall greeted, referring to the period during Lexi's seventh year when she dyed her hair multi-coloured. "It is good to see you looking so well."

"Thank you, Professor." Lexi thanked her formed Head of House, feeling strangely soothed in her presence. "It is rather worrying to consider I am in such a position of authority given what I got up to during my time here."

"Yes I must admit I was rather surprised when I'd heard of your successes in law enforcement," McGonagall replied with a knowing look, as though remembering Lexi's past transgressions. "And please, call me Minerva."

Lexi suddenly found herself in the midst of greeting a sea of friendly faces, Professor Flitwick in particular seemed beside himself at Lexi's return. Even though she, Sirius and James had ensured Flitwick was on the receiving end of their more good-natured shenanigans, he had always taken it light-heartedly and shared in their japes rather than scold them. After shaking hands with most of the staff, Dumbledore signalled for the meeting to begin. Lexi positioned herself at the front of the room, feeling increasingly nervous as everyone took their seats and looked expectantly in her direction. Upon a quick scan of the room she noted the absence of Snape, even though she hadn't set eyes on him in sixteen years she'd recognise him in a crowd of a hundred people. Lexi cleared her throat.

"Good morning everyone," Lexi pronounced, not quite believing her sudden elevation of status amongst the professors. "I am sure I do not to go into details as to my reasons for being here –" the room murmured in agreement and exchanged dark looks. '- Professor Dumbledore has asked the Ministry for a security detail in light of –"

Lexi was jolted by a loud bang from across the room, and looked to see a figure cloaked in billowing black robes storm into the room. Severus Snape was every bit the man she remembered, shoulder length black hair and thin, pale skin. But it wasn't that which struck her, his eyes were dark and piercing and bored into her as though they could read very soul. She felt momentarily stunned into silence by the intensity of his glare. He headed swiftly towards an empty chair at the back of the room, rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together, not taking his eyes from hers.

"As I was saying," Lexi continued, looking away but feeling his gaze still on her. "The Ministry shares the headmasters concerns for the safety of the students of this school, and so has asked me to work as a Security Consultant as Black is unlike any threat we have ever dealt with."

"Is it wise to have sent you?" A deep, silky voice probed from the back of the room.

With great difficulty, Lexi turned to face those eyes once more. "I beg your pardon, Professor?" She said with public incredulity.

"You knew Black, shall we say, intimately," Snape stated bluntly, causing Lexi to flinch. "Is it wise to have sent someone with a personal attachment to such a dangerous convict to oversee security of the very place he maybe looking to infiltrate?"

Lexi a boiling rage begin to bubble within her, and she forced herself to fix his raging glare. "I would have thought that you of all people would know that a persons past does not dictate their future." She aired venomously. "So I would appreciate it if you kept your personal opinions of me to yourself, _Professor_."

Snape looked as though someone had slapped him in face, and she turned to the rest of the staff to see many of them open-mouthed. Clearly challenging Severus Snape was not a common occurrence, at least not in public. She cleared her throat and continued. "I am here to ensure that the appropriate security measures are in place and to monitor any potential entry points Black maybe aware of." Lexi steadied her voice, determinedly looking away from Snape. "It will also be my job to overlook a small group of dementors, whom the Ministry has insisted guard the school until Black has been recaptured."

There was an outcry amongst the staff, with many turning to Dumbledore for confirmation. He held up a hand for silence. "I am less than happy with the arrangement myself, but until Black is apprehended I have little say in the matter."

"Rest assured, we have pulled all of the staff in Magical Law Enforcement from their regular jobs to aid in the search," Lexi tried to reassure the room. "We hope to recapture Black very soon, and in the meantime I will be responsible for placing the dementors out of the way of the students but in locations where they are best effective."

"How did he escape?" Squeaked Flitwick perched on the sofa with his feet swinging beneath him.

"We are still looking into that, but my colleague leading the investigation is saying it'll be almost impossible to know for sure." Lexi admitted, feeling foolish with the Ministry's lack of information. "It is highly probable that he has access to dark magic we cannot possibly fathom."

"But why now?" Professor Sprout asked musingly. "Surely if he's had access to that sort of magic all this time, why has be waited until thirteen years after his release to carry out his escape?"

Lexi paused and turned to Dumbledore, unsure as to whether she should divulge this next piece of information. He gave her a subtle nod in response to her unanswered question.

"As some of you might be aware, Black is Harry Potter's godfather and it is possible that he may try to avenge Voldemort's –" she paused to allow the sudden outburst of gasps to quiet "- death by seeking out the boy and possibly doing harm to him. As why he chose this particular time to do so, we cannot say for certain."

"He's after Potter, you say?" Minerva asked in a shaky tone.

"That is our best guess, yes." Lexi confirmed grimly. "But, like I say, we are working around the clock on making sure he is back in custody before that could possibly happen."

"You don't think You-Know-Who is coming back, do you?" Flitwick asked warily, obviously voicing a question many had in their minds.

"It would be foolish to assume he'll never come back," Lexi said honestly. "But it doesn't look as though that's the reason for Black's recent actions. Up until recently I had led a team of Aurors who were responsible for tracking the movements of suspected former Death Eaters. I reported nothing out of ordinary, so I do not believe a return in immanent."

This seemed to satisfy the room, and Lexi immediately felt the tension lessen. Dumbledore thanked Lexi and dismissed the room. Lexi pushed through the throng in the hopes of getting to speak with Snape to at least clear the air. She hated tension, and there had been enough of it as he'd entered to make the whole room vibrate with it. Before she could however, he darted out of the room swiftly as though the last thing he wanted was human interaction. Undeterred, Lexi followed suit and soon found herself following the distant sound of his echoing footsteps until they reached the entrance hall.

"Snape!" She called after him, but he continued down the steps to the dungeons without so much as a backward glance. Rolling her eyes she picked up pace and hurried down the darkened stone steps, which led into the dingy corridor that housed the potions rooms and the Slytherin common room. Lexi remembered Snape spending much of their later years at Hogwarts in the dungeons, working studiously under Professor Slughorn, the then Potions Master. She hadn't had much to do with Snape in their time at Hogwarts, unless you could a rather irksome detention they shared after one of James and Sirius' pranks backfired in Transfiguration class.

Somewhere in the distance she heard a door slam and the resounding boom fill the narrow corridor, Snape must have retreated to his office. Letting out a deep sigh she turned the corner with some trepidation, feeling as though perhaps pursuing Snape when he was in this sort of mood wasn't the best course of action. Still, she'd never been one succumb to misgivings knocked purposefully on the door. Without waiting for an answer from within the room, she pushed the door open and saw Snape scribbling on parchment behind his desk. He made no move to acknowledge that anyone had entered the room, even when Lexi closed the door deliberately noisily behind her.

"Snape?" She voiced delicately as she stood herself in front of his desk. "I apologise if I am intruding here, but I felt we needed to clear the air."

Snape looked up at her, their eyes meeting with such a ferocious intensity that Lexi took a step back. She felt her pulse quicken as Snape continued to stare at her, as though he was seeing something in her eyes for the first time.

"Why would we need to do that?" Severus asked disdainfully. "I do not plan on having anything to do with you during your stay here."

"I realise our dealings in the past have been less than favourable, to say the least, but it seems petty to allow adolescent animosity dictate our working relationship." She said diplomatically, folding her arms across her chest.

"There is far more at work here than simple adolescent animosity, McNaughton." Snape growled. "Or have you forgotten your little smear campaign against me all those years ago?"

"Severus, you must understand, I had walked through hell in the months after … what happened." Lexi said, a lump forming in her throat. "I abhorred anything remotely connected with Voldemort or the Death Eaters, and rightly or wrongly I was relentless in my quest put those I felt responsible behind bars."

"If you expect me to feel sorry for you, then you are very much mistaken," he hissed, getting to his feet and walking round his desk. "I detest self pity, not the least from people felt the need to torment those they deemed beneath them!"

"You know nothing about me, Snape!" Lexi bit back. "So do not presume to! I lost everything that night, more than you could even fathom in your heartless existence!"

"Heartless? Why you –"

In a split second, both Lexi and Snape had their wands pointed at one another, each breathing heavily and seething with fury. Tendrils of curls fell in front of Lexi's eyes as she stood resolutely in the duelling stance.

"You know nothing of my past, McNaughton." Snape seethed, his wand trembling with rage in front of him.

"You're one to talk!" Lexi retorted, keeping a firm grip on her wand. "What about your comments in the staff room earlier? You had no right to bring up my past with Sirius!"

"I had every right," Snape hissed, stepping forwards so the tips of their wands were almost touching. "Both you and Lupin come to work at Hogwarts mere weeks after Black escapes, and no one bats an eyelid!"

"YOU BASTARD!" She shouted, no longer able to contain her temper. "HE TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME, AND YOU STAND THERE ACCUSING ME OF AIDING HIM!"

Snape jerked back as though dodging a well-aimed curse, his eyes widened in surprise at her outburst. Lexi could feel hot tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and not wishing to give Snape the satisfaction of seeing her emotions laid bare, she hurried for the room and slammed the door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

A combination of nerves and excitement compelled Lexi to rise with the dawn, and despite her encounter with Snape the previous afternoon she felt decidedly chipper. She may not have been overly keen on returning to the castle, but spending an evening  
nestled in the cocoon of familiarity that the walls of Hogwarts provided had gone some way to keeping the black dog at bay. Still, a lump had formed in her throat as she'd past her old haunts while on a preliminary patrol of the castle. Her vision  
had been taunted with projections of times spent with those she had since lost. It had been hard to remain composed, particularly when Lexi walked past the spot by the lake where Lexi, Lily and the rest of the Marauders spent a sunny, carefree afternoon  
after completing their final N.E.W.T exam.

Before these reflections could overwhelm her, Lexi rose to dress and begin her rather lengthy to-do list. She very rarely dressed formally, even while she worked at the Ministry for Magic. Something that had not gone unnoticed by her superiors, but Lexi  
had amassed such a formidable reputation during her years at the Ministry that no one dared confront her. That coupled with her close friendship to celebrated Auror Alastor Moody cemented her status and allowed her somewhat of a free reign. That was  
until Fudge had called Lexi into his office and informed her of the reassignment to Hogwarts. It appeared that Fudge's insistence to the Daily Prophet that Black would be swiftly re-captured was all a front. Truth was that the Auror Department had  
very little if nothing to go on, and for some reason Fudge decided to pull a senior Auror from the search to provide undercover security in a location already equipped with a vast array of concealment and security charms.

Lexi dressed herself in light blue jeans and a well-worn t-shirt bearing the logo of American rock band Kiss. Then wrapped her rosy curls into a loose bun, and left her quarters in search of breakfast in the Great Hall. The castle was permeated with a  
serene stillness that was broken only by the cheerful chirping of the nesting birds that flitted past the open windows. Upon entering the Great Hall, Lexi discovered she was not the only one who had risen with the dawn. Severus Snape looked up from  
his plate and immediately tensed as he saw Lexi approach the staff table. Determined not to acknowledge his presence in the room, she sat on the opposite end and helped herself to some scrambled egg on toast. She could feel his cold stare on her,  
but she did not give in and look up. The effect of looking into his eyes during the debrief yesterday had unnerved her somewhat, it was difficult to put her finger as to why that was but nonetheless it had got under her skin.

Five minutes or so later she heard the scraping of Snape's chair as he rose from the table, she breathed a small sigh of relief as the tension in the room was beginning to make her feel uncomfortable.

"McNaughton!" A voice barked from in front of her, and Lexi jumped in shock dropping her knife and fork on the floor.

"What?" She snapped, keeping her eyes from Snape as she stooped to pick up her cutlery.

"Speak to me in that tone again and I may not bother with what I am about to say." Snape warned venomously.

Lexi got to her feet and allowed her gaze to meet his, and much like their encounter the previous day she found herself momentarily mesmerized. "What's this? Severus Snape reprimanding me for rudeness?" Lexi bit back sardonically. "Pot calling the kettle  
black, much!"

Snape took a deep breath, it seemed as though it was taking all of his resolve not to hex her on the spot. "If you would restrain your childish temper for just a moment," Snape said through gritted teeth. "I feel compelled to offer an apology for my words  
to you yesterday."

"You … what?" Lexi responded in shock, letting her well-constructed guard down.

"Your past transgressions are by no means forgiven, but it was unprofessional of me to conduct myself in the manner that I did." Snape offered with obvious difficulty. "I offer my apologies in recompense."

Lexi stared at Snape with her mouth slightly open, not sure how to digest what he had just said. "I … well … thank you," Lexi stumbled after several seconds of trying to find her voice. "I appreciate it."

Snape inclined his head, turned on his heel and left the Great Hall hurriedly. Lexi felt herself smile at his retreating back, swiftly followed by an odd sensation in the pit of her stomach. Shaking her head as if to physically force thoughts from her  
head, she too left the hall for the relative safety of her classroom.

After three hours sorting out the clutter in her new classroom, Lexi stood back to admire the fruits of her labour. She had cleared a large space down the middle of her classroom, with two rows of single chairs with desks either side. Perfect for practicing  
and demonstrating dueling techniques, as well as taking notes on dueling theory – something she'd never thought existed until she began her Auror training. Her desk sat at the top of classroom behind which was a floor to ceiling window with a magnificent  
view of the grounds and mountains on the horizon. The room reminded her of the Auror Academy, during which her and Sirius spent seven grueling hours a day in training as well as fighting for the Order.

Wiping her forehead on the back of her hand, she headed over to her desk to make a start on planning her curriculum. Lexi found this a calming task, something that her colleagues at the Academy couldn't get their heads round. It wasn't until the candles  
in the wall brackets came on automatically did Lexi notice that the day had faded away into darkness. Checking her watch she realised that the students would be arriving soon, and that her appearance may be construed a less than professional. She  
retreated to her quarters where she replaced her ankle-skimming jeans and t-shirt with her dark purple teaching robes and plaited her hair in a French braid.

As she made her way through the castle she could almost feel the buzz in the air, as though the sentient walls were anticipating the arrival of those who brought it to life. She found the staff gathered round the high table in the Great Hall, and even  
though she had not spotted him she knew of Snape's presence by the penetrative feeling she felt of his eyes on her, so Lexi struck up a conversation with Filius.

A few moments later Lexi heard the large doors scrape open across the stone floor, she turned and felt a warmth erupt inside her chest as Remus Lupin beamed at her. With a grin plastered on her face, Lexi ran the length of the Great Hall and threw herself  
at her old friend. He staggered backwards at the force of her embrace, but managed to steady himself before enveloping her with his arms.

"It's good to see you too, Lexi." He chuckled, his voice muffled by her robes. "You're as graceful as ever I see."

"I wasn't about to let a small thing like adulthood change me," Lexi grinned, relinquishing her hold. "You look –" She paused, eyeing the newly scratched wounds marring his young face. "- Chiseled."

"That's a nice way to say 'old'," he chuckled. "I can't believe it's all one colour!" He added, twirling a lock of Lexi's hair round his finger. "I like it, it brings out your smile."

"Oh you soppy sod!" Lexi exclaimed happily, flinging herself at him again. "God, I've missed your face."

"I'm glad someone has." Remus sighed, tightening hisgrip on Lexi. "I cannot tell you how good it feels to see your smile."

"Stop it, you're making me blush!" Lexi giggled. "I don't know about you, but it feels … odd to be back here."

"I must admit I felt the presence of many ghosts when I first crossed the threshold," Remus admitted, glancing up at the ceiling that mimicked the starry sky. "It is almost bittersweet, is it not?"

"Everywhere I look there's a memory, mainly of trivial things like Lily and I studying or us sitting by the lake after exams." Lexi sighed sorrowfully. "I almost refused the assignment, I wasn't sure how I'd react being back here."

She felt Remus put his arm round her shoulder. "I thought you'd like to know I saw Harry on the train," he said softly. "It was like James was back with me, he looks just like him."

"It was his eyes that always struck me," Lexi said mournfully. "They were just like hers …" she trailed off, feeling her voice catch in her throat.

"Oh, Master Lupin, there you are!" She heard McGonagall say from beside them.

Lexi shook off her melancholia, determined not to allow herself to be overcome with them. She left Remus to speak with Minerva and headed up to the top table, when she saw that Snape was watching her. She hadn't expected his apology to suddenly transform  
them into amiable colleagues but the look he was giving her was one of pure loathing. Lexi had her suspicions that the public reunion with Remus hadn't helped, Snape had made it clear that he held as much contempt for the pair of them as he had for  
James and Sirius. The staff had begun to take their seats at the high table and Lexi made her way along until she and Remus had taken the two empty spaces beside Filius. She observed Snape furtively, and saw that he was staring resolutely ahead of  
him.

"I would very much appreciate it if you averted your gaze," he hissed from the corner of his mouth. "I abhor people staring at me as though I am some kind of zoo animal."

"I was not staring, I was observing." Lexi retorted shortly, turning to face the sea of students that had begun to fill the hall. "There is a subtle difference."

"Is it impossible for you to hold your tongue?" Snape asked curtly.

"As a matter of fact, yes." Lexi responded bluntly. "I find it prudent to get to the point one wishes to make regardless of the stubbornness of those around me."

Snape turned his narrowed towards her and Lexi, satisfied that she'd silenced his cantankerous diatribe, began to scan the hall for Harry.

"I think now it is time to expand our school! It is time for the sorting" Dumbledore exclaimed, beaming at the students before him who had just filled into the Great Hall in an excitable, chattering mass.

At that moment, the doors to the Great Hall opened and fifty pale and frightened looking eleven year olds walked towards the staff table in front of which stood the familiar three-legged stool upon which sat the aged sorting hat. Memories of her own sorting  
flooded back to Lexi. She remembered being so nervous she shook from head to toe; if it weren't for Lily she wouldn't have been able to stand. The sorting lasted for ten minutes or so, with "Frost, Derik" becoming the newest member to Gryffindor.  
Lexi scanned the Great Hall for Harry once again, and her curiosity piqued when she realised he hadn't entered. Lexi thought if he was anything like his Dad he was out somewhere getting into trouble. Lexi couldn't help but giggle slightly.

Just as the sorting ended and Professor Flitwick ran from the Great Hall to return the Sorting Hat to Dumbledore's office, Lexi caught sight of two students entering the hall looking slightly disappointed. The girl had long, bushy brown hair and an air  
of authority about her. The boy beside her had jet-black hair, round glasses and shocking green eyes. Harry Potter indeed looked a lot like his father, but he carried himself just like his mother would have. She felt Remus grip her hand under the  
table and stroked it gently with his thumb, as though sensing her smiled weakly back, and just managed to contain the rush of sadness that filled her heart.

Lexi noticed that Severus was also staring at Harry, likehe'd just seen his worst enemy enter the room; it was a look of pure loathing he had given her before the students had arrived. Harry and his friend sat on the Gryffindor table next to a boy  
with shocking red hair they were about to engage in conversation when Dumbledore rose from his chair once more.

"Welcome!" said Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling behind his half moon glasses. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! Before we start our delectable feast, I have a few start of term notices to say to you all. One of them is very serious so I will need your  
complete attention …"

Dumbledore cleared his throat and continued. "As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, the school is presently in the company of the Dementors of Azkaban." He paused, a slight look of disgust on his face "They are stationed  
at every entrance to the school, and I must make perfectly clear to you all that none of you should leave the school without permission. It is not the nature of a Dementor to understand excuses, so I am therefore warning you all to give them no reason  
to harm you."

Dumbledore paused, and Lexi saw hundreds of frightened and concerned faces staring back at the staff table. She had never agreed with placing hundreds of terrifying Dementors round the school, but Fudge was insistent. Black had already slipped past the  
Dementors once, what was there to say that he wouldn't do it again?

"On a lighter note," Dumbledore continued. "We have three new additions to the Hogwarts staff this year. Firstly, Professor Lupin, who has consented to fill the post the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher."

There was some quiet applause for Professor Lupin; only a small group of Gryffindor's seemed to be clapping the loudest.

"Our second new appointment is going to be assisting with Defence against the Dark Arts classes, she will be running dueling lessons as well a little wandless magic." Dumbledore continued over a rather enthusiastic out burst of whispering. "Please welcome,  
Lexi McNaughton."

Lexi smiled as the students applauded. Deliberately catching Harry's eye she smiled and nodded in his direction, he looked back smiling but curious.

"As for our final new appointment," he said making the last of the chatter fade, "I am sorry to inform you that Professor Kettleburn, our resident Care of Magical Creatures teacher, has retired in order to spend time with his remaining limbs. I am delighted  
to announce that none other than Rubeus Hagrid has agreed to fill the post, along with his present duties."

The applause for Hagrid was tumultuous, particularly at the Gryffindor table where Lexi saw Harry grinning broadly and clapping harder than most. Lexi turned to Hagrid who had turned ruby red and was staring at his hands with an enormous grin on his face.  
Hagrid's applause took at least a minute to die down, with Harry and his friends being the last to stop clapping.

"Well I think that's everything," said Dumbledore. "Let the feast begin!"

The golden plates before then filled suddenly with the most delicious looking food, and Lexi who suddenly found herself to be ravenous, helped herself to everything within her reach. She'd forgotten how much of lavish feat Hogwarts laid out for the Welcoming  
Feast.

"I cannot believe how much Harry looks like James," Lexi articulated to Remus through a mouthful of food before swallowing loudly. "It's like … it's like I'm looking at a ghost."

"I have it on good authority that he is very much like James as well," Remus smiled fondly. "McGonagall says that she almost had a heart attack when she'd clapped eyes on him. Flashbacks apparently."

"That doesn't surprise me," Lexi laughed. "We did give the poor woman the run around for seven years." Lexi paused, and something that had been bothering her for much of the day came bubbling to the surface. "Remus, do you think I should tell Harry?"

"About you being …" He started as Lexi nodded. "Well, I'd maybe wait a short while first. Maybe get to know him and judge the best time to speak up?"

Lexi nodded and watched as Harry and his companions left the Great Hall. She bade Remus goodnight and headed out of the Great Hall and to her quarters. Despite the fact that she had a long day tomorrow, Lexi didn't feel much like sleeping. Her brain seemed  
far too active and she couldn't quite figure out why. Lexi was no stranger to insomnia; she'd spent much of the last decade unable to sleep. But this was different; something was keeping her brain occupied. Sighing to herself she grabbed a her tattered  
copy of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe from the coffee table and headed up to astronomy tower.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for the reviews :) I love reading them! xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Severus' anger at the situation he found himself him was so great that he had lost all sense of discretion. Those students who dared to break curfew on the first night cowered under his frenzied stare as he wordlessly scolded them back to their dormitories.  
He'd hurried from the Great Hall as soon as courtesy would allow, being in such close proximity to Lexi McNaughton was beginning to get under skin in a way that he could not have anticipated. When her gaze met his, he hadfelt drawn into her  
eyes. The icy blueness had engendered a feeling like he was being pulled into a frozen lake, like a myriad shades of blue swirled together like flicking azure orbs that penetrated his well constructed defences. Severus had the unsettling feeling that  
she was able to see into the hidden depths of his soul he revealed to no one.

Their encounter after the de-brief had begun to challenge his entrenched attitudes towards her. All of the arrogant air she had once carried proudly had vanished, and he sensed a great darkness within her that he recognized in himself. Dumbledore's words  
from two nights ago repeated themselves in his mind as he watched her reunite with Lupin. He had said that she'd lost more than most on the night of Voldemort's downfall. It was true; her fiancée had turned out to be a traitor, which had resulted  
in the deaths of two of her friends. Severus was loathed to admit it, but their shared grief seemed to tie them together in an unprecedented fashion.

As his patrol drew to a close, he decided against returning to his soulless quarters as it'd only serve as a pit to wallow in and there wasn't enough Fire Whiskey in the world to lessen his disquiet. He climbed the steep stone steps up the astronomy tower;  
he had always found solace in the stars even during the most trying times both as a teacher and student at the school. He emerged at the top of the tower and a small shadow on the balcony informed him that he was not alone. Lexi sat cross-legged on  
the stone floor, dressed a well-worn and oversized t-shirt bearing the logo of what Severus suspected to be a Muggle band called 'AC/DC', faded denim shorts and bare feet. Her long rose-tinted curls were tied in a loose ponytail that snaked down her  
back. Severus felt a painful jolt in his chest when he realised she was reading an old Muggle fantasy book that Lily had adored. He tried several times to turn back but his legs seemed to be fixed to the spot, and his mind would allow him to do nothing  
else but observe her quietly in the shadows. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she read, and Severus felt something stir that caused a flicker of fear to pass through him. As though sensing someone watching her, Lexi looked up from  
her book and squinted into the low light, frowning when she recognised Severus' silhouette.

"Snape, is that you?" She probed, closing her book and getting to her feet.

Cursing himself for lingering, Severus stepped forward to reveal himself. "McNaughton," he greeted curtly.

An awkward silence followed, neither of them knowing what to say. The last time they conversed privately it had ended in a rather explosive altercation, and coupled with that Severus wasn't what you'd call sociable.

"Err, I don't mean to be rude, but why are you up here?" Lexi asked quizzically, folding her arms across her chest. "I would have thought I'd be the last person you'd wish to be alone with right now."

Severus snapped out of his temporary verbal paralysis and forced his features into his trademark scowl. "How very ego-maniacal of you to assume I seek you," he drawled. "I simply came up here for some peace only to find an intruder in my midst."

Lexi narrowed her eyes at him. "I was not aware I was standing on your property, Snape."

"Why must you insist on being so petulant?" Severus grumbled, and despite his growing impatience he remained unmoved from his position at the top of the stairs.

"Shits and giggles," Lexi shrugged, flopping back into her previous position on the floor and returning her gaze to her book. "I have found adult life to be rather a drag, and I find the occasional bout of latent teenage rebellion refreshing." She paused,  
turning a page. "What's your excuse?"

"Excuse me?" Severus asked incredulously, stepping forward onto the balcony.

"Professor Dumbledore forewarned me of your – ahh – temperament," she explained lazily, not looking up. "I was simply asking why that is?"

"That, as I keep reminding the old man, is my own business." He forced through gritted teeth. "Your impertinence is astounding!"

"Then why are you still here?" Lexi questioned, placing her book down beside her and fixing him with a resolute stare.

Severus opened his mouth to retort but realised he didn't have an answer. There was no reason for his continued presence in the astronomy tower and he tried to leave several more times, but found that his legs stubbornly refused to move. A small smile  
tugged at the corners of Lexi's mouth.

"I abhor people staring at me, you know?" Lexi smiled playfully, mimicking Severus' words from the Welcoming Feast.

It took of his restraint to not smirk at her comment, instead he allowed himself to appreciate her slightly lop-sided smile and how her cheeks dimpled in response. "Touché, McNaughton." He said curtly. "I must have overlooked your razor wit during our  
last encounter."

"Oh I'm sorry, should I have told you a joke as I wrestled you to the ground?" She retorted sardonically.

"It would have made the bruising more bearable." Severus replied dryly, instinctively holding his left forearm.

Lexi giggled lightly, the sound caused him to catch his breath. "I cannot believe Severus Snape just made me laugh," she smiled. "If only Lily …" her sentence trailed off and her smile faded, and Severus also felt a heavy weight pull at his chest. "It's  
– err – getting later and I've … I should get going."

Lexi hurried past Severus, who caught a glimpse of her bloodshot eyes, as she dashed down the Astronomy tower steps. A myriad of emotions were swirling round Severus' mind, and he found himself inexplicably drawn to Lexi, much as he was when he first  
glimpsed Lily playing with her sister in the meadow. He could sense her pain as though it were his own, which to an extent it was. He too lost a piece of himself the night Lily was murdered, a piece that he was missing even to this day.

He rubbed his aching eyes with his knuckles, feeling his frustration levels rise. Deciding it was best to put a swift end to this day, he made to leave but something caught his eye. He saw the book Lexi had been reading lying on the floor. As he picked  
it up he struck by familiarity, as though he'd held the book before but he couldn't recall where. The pages were yellowed and some were torn, the cover was creased from use and the spine felt fragile. He gently opened the front cover and noticed something  
written on the inside of the front cover.

 _Property of Lily Evans_

He traced each letter with his forefinger, struggling to contain the grief that threatened to overwhelm him. The realisation that he was holding a part of her was almost too much for him to bear, and when he cried it wasn't a trickle and never started  
in his eyes. He began to sense the familiar pang in his chest and an overwhelming sadness in his mind. The tears only being a blessed release after several moments of dry racking sobs, it was the way his body had learnt to cope over the years. Slow  
desolate droplets fell steadily from his unblinking eyes and stained the pages.

As if remembering himself, Severus hastily wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve and made his way down the tower steps. Against his better judgement, he made his way towards the third floor where Lexi's quarters were with the intention of returning  
the book to her. At least, that's what he tried to convince himself was his motive. His developing feelings towards this woman was clouding his judgement, not allowing him to think rationally and this was beginning to frighten him. His head was screaming  
at him to return to the dungeons, but something was pulling him inexplicably in Lexi's direction.

He rapped lightly on the door, trying to ignore the peculiar squirming sensation that was beginning to stir in his lower abdomen. Severus worked a convincing scowl back onto his face by the time Lexi opened the door. She was wearing a pale green nightgown,  
no make up and her hair falling in waves either side of her oval-shaped face. She eyed him curiously as words failed him once more.

"Severus?" She queried sleepily, clearly about to retreat for the night. "What is it?"

"I believe this is yours." He stated simply, holding out the book for her to take.

"Oh, thank you." Lexi exclaimed, and Severus noted that her eyes were still bloodshot. "I didn't even notice I was without it." She looked up at him, relief now being replaced with curiosity. "I read the series once a year," she explained, gesturing towards  
the book in response to his curious expression. "I remember how much Lily loved those books; at first I couldn't understand why she wasted time with Muggle fantasy when she lived in a fantasy herself." She looked up at him and Severus noticed her  
eyes were glistening. "She said the only fantasy she needed was her –"

"Imagination …" Severus breathed without thinking, and feeling his heart rate quicken.

Lexi regarded him for a moment with narrowed eyes as though trying to decipher a code. "Lily always said there was more to you than met the eye," she ventured tentatively. "Was she right?"

Severus stiffened, he was venturing further into uncharted territory and the notion that he'd almost laid his emotions bare to a woman who he should despise was something he didn't think he could handle. "Do not attempt to psycho-analyse me, McNaughton,"  
he spat. "I do not appreciate your condescending babble!"

"Condescending babble?" Lexi repeated incredulously. "I cannot believe for a second I thought you'd evolved as a human being! Turns out you're still the ill-mannered git I remember!"

"You too would be ill-mannered if you'd been dealt the cards I have!" He growled, balling his fists by his side.

"Self pity is an ugly thing, Snape." Lexi spat. "I have been dealt fairly shit hand myself, and I do not treat those around me with such contempt!"

"It may have escaped your notice but life isn't fair!" Severus retorted venomously. "Something that you, Black and Potter sought to remind me on a daily basis!"

"How dare you!" Lexi snapped angrily. "I cannot excuse my past actions but that does not give you the right to throw them in my face!" Beads of tears started falling down her cheeks one after another without any sign of stopping. "Do you think I do not  
regret my past actions? Do you not think that if I could go back and change them I would?" Great racking sobs shook her body as her shoulders rose and fell rapidly. "Each day I wake up burdened with the guilt that I loved the man who took her from  
me, who left Harry without a family. Why didn't I see something, did I see it but chose to ignore it, blinded by love?" She inched closed to Severus, pointing an accusing finger at him. "I see her face every time I close my eyes, and there isn't a  
day that goes by where I don't miss her so much it physically hurts. So keep your fucking opinions to yourself and leave me alone!"

Lexi then turned on her heel and stormed into her quarters, slamming the door so forcefully that the wooden frame splintered. Severus stood rooted to the spot for a moment, quite shaken at what he'd just witnessed. At first he thought it was the due to  
her unexpected outburst, but the more he thought about it the more it dawned on him that their paths were becoming entwined. He felt the guilt the described, guilt that he'd been the one to lead Voldemort to the conclusion that the Potter boy was  
the Chosen One. More than anything he felt guilt that he'd been too late to save her, and he awoke each day with the memory of holding her lifeless form in his arms seared into his mind.

* * *

Lexi woke abruptly from a troubled sleep as her alarm went off at 6am. With a protesting moan, she rose slowly from her bed and wandered towards the shower. As per usual sleep had mostly eluded her, and she sighed dejectedly at the purple circles that  
had formed under her eyes in such a short space of time. She felt decades older than her thirty-four years, and her lack of sleep the previous night hadn't helped. Truth be told she felt mortified by her outburst, especially as she'd held herself  
together fairly well since her arrival at the castle. Yes Snape had said some very hurtful things, but she hadn't exactly been amenable herself. Lexi felt as though the two of them had an unspeakable bond, but she'd be damned if she was going to allow  
herself to succumb to it.

With her thoughts still elsewhere, Lexi dressed herself in a grey pinstripe pencil skirt, white silk blouse and nude court shoes in an attempt to exude a sense of professionalism. She smirked at the thought of Lily seeing her dressed in such a manner,  
as she'd no doubt be in hysterics. She pinned her curls into a bun and with a small amount of purpose, Lexi strode out of her quarters and down to the breakfast hall. Several teachers had gathered for breakfast early in order to prepare for the first  
day of term. She smiled brightly and took a seat next to Professor Flitwick.

"Good morning Filius," she greeted the Charms professor cheerily.

"Good morning Lexi," he replied, equally as cheery. "I trust you are all set for your first day. Nervous?"

"Only that I'll encounter students that resemble me when I was their age," Lexi replied – half joking, half serious.

"Fred and George Weasley are ones to watch," Flitwick chuckled. "Although they're harmless, just have a sense of humour and you'll survive."

Lexi chuckled and began tucking into her cooked breakfast. Shortly afterwards she was joined by Remus, who seemed uncharacteristically nervous about his first day of teaching. Lexi's day began with first years; she'd decided to teach duelling stances  
and improving reflexes. She was so engrossed in her discussion with Remus and Flitwick that she did not notice Severus approach the top table. He did not sit; instead he stood in front of Lexi and coughed to get her attention. Lexi looked up to see  
Snape's unreadable expression looking down on her. Trying to look as casual as her rapidly beating heart would allow her, she put down her knife and fork.

"Snape," she greeted shortly. "Is everything alright?"

"No as a matter of fact," he responded curtly. "I wonder if I might have a word?"

"Of course," Lexi tried to sound casual, but the quiver in her voice was apparent. "See you at lunch Remus." She bade her farewells and followed Severus of the Great Hall out the doors into the courtyard.

Despite it being not yet 7am, the late summer sunshine was already in full force. The warmth and glow lit the courtyard, illuminating a large blossom tree that stood proudly in the centre of the cobbled square. She followed Severus to a bench next to  
the tree; he motioned for her to sit and turned to face him as he took the seat next to her. He turned to face her, seemingly with the intent to say something important, but he stopped for a moment and simply gazed at her as though she was some curious  
entity.

"Well," she said trying to initiate conversation. "What is it that you wished to discuss, Snape?"

"About last night," he began, moving his gaze from Lexi's eyes to the floor. "I feel that I once again owe you an apology."

"I think," Lexi said quietly, as Severus turned to look at her. "It is I who owe you an apology. I shouldn't have … lost it like that."

"No, but I feel as though you wouldn't have had I not goaded you on." Severus admitted shamefully. "I understand … well, that is … I more than most should not punish you for your past."

"We've all got ghosts, Snape." Lexi sighed, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. "It seems you and I have more than most."

"So it would seem," Severus admitted, sighing softly feeling his guard tumble around him.

Lexi smiled and tentatively reached out and placed her hand on his arm, she felt him tense beneath her touch but surprisingly he did not move away. "I – err – intend to spend most nights on the Astronomy Tower, Snape," she voiced, cursing herself for  
blushing slightly. "If you want … need anything, please come find me."

Lexi made to stand but felt Snape grab her wrist, causing her to spin round on the spot. "What –"

"Call me Severus," he urged, his obsidian eyes meeting her glacial ones. "Please."

Lexi blinked in surprise. "Of course, Severus." She smiled. "And I'm Lexi."

The corners of his mouth twitched in response to her saying his name aloud, and his hand lingered on her arm for a moment as though he was reluctant to remove it. Lexi felt bewitched by his dark eyes, as though she was peering into the infinite blackness  
of the night's sky.

"I – err – had better go," Lexi voiced, suddenly remembering that she had a class to teach in two hours. "I need to mentally prepare myself for Fred and George Weasley." She added with a nervous laugh.

Severus released her arm from his grasp and stood in front of her. Lexi could feel his breath on her overly sensitised skin and she felt overwhelmed wth a disorientating euphoria.

"I will … see you tonight?" He breathed huskily.

"Y-Yeah … s-see you," Lexi stuttered in response.

He inclined his head and strode past her, the tips of his fingers brushing against the small of her back. A bolt of electricity shot up her spine and causing goose bumps to erupt painfully on her skin. She remained rooted to the spot for several moments  
before noise the of students rising for breakfast tore her from her reverie.

* * *

 **Sorry for the delay folks, my Beta and I had a busy couple of weeks. R &R :) x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Severus sat at his desk and held his head aching head in his hands, slowly massaging his temples in the vain hope that the pain would not endure through till the morning. He did not wish to guess how short his temper would be towards a blank-eyed, monosyllabic first year. He had to compose himself; he'd spent the last fifteen years training his mind to be devoid of emotion, to shut off his mind from outside interference. He felt a pleasant tingling sensation on his skin where Lexi had touched him and his heart would pound at the recollection of her close proximity. She had been the first person since Lily that hadn't recoiled in disgust from his company and who had willingly established physical contact. In normal circumstances such an interaction would have been met with anger and distain, instead he found himself relishing her touch and the soft reassuring squeeze she had given him.

Severus slammed his fists on his desk, causing his inkpot and quill to fall to the floor with a clatter. His frustration was directed more towards himself for allowing these thoughts to take over his well-trained mind, and also because he couldn't understand why a woman he'd spent much of his life hating had suddenly got under his skin. The distant chatter of eager second years gathering outside began to permeate the walls of the dungeon, and Severus wondered how he was going to survive the day without rendering a student to a gibbering, blubbering wreck. Not that it would be without its amusement, but he didn't fancy having yet another stern talking-to from Dumbledore. The old man already found enough excuses to make his life insufferable, and so not wishing to add to his already burdened existence Severus got to his feet and worked his infamous scowl back onto his face.

* * *

"My name is Lexi McNaughton," she announced to her rather petrified-looking group of first years. "In my time I have come face-to-face with the most depraved, the most vile and most dangerous witches and wizards known to man. I have faced demons I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy." She paused, surveying the room, happily noting that the group was hanging on her every word.

"In these sessions I will be attempting to instruct you how to duel effectively," she continued, walking slowly around the room. "I sincerely hope that you will never have to use the skills I teach you, but if you do happen to find yourself in such dire straights, you will know how to survive. Now, we shall start off we basic duelling stances. It is important that you have the correct positioning in order to move swiftly and with constant vigilance." She smiled inwardly, recalling her tutor bellowing out those two words to her as she failed to block a curse, or tripped over her robes.

"Now, a side on stance is key," Lexi explained, positioning herself in the manner she described. "Legs slightly apart, you must be able to move at a split seconds notice. Blocking with magic doesn't always come to us. Your reactions may save your life, especially if you have been disarmed. Never take your eyes off your enemy. Right, I want you to pair up and try this positioning. Raise your wards as if ready to battle. I will come round and inspect."

There were excited murmurings as the students quickly paired up and began positioning themselves into the pose that Lexi had demonstrated. She moved around the room, occasionally correcting students. Teaching hadn't been a profession Lexi had considered, she hadn't been exactly what you'd call a 'model student', but even in her first lesson she felt as thought she'd been teaching for years. By the end of the lesson her first years had begun working on duelling movement, something she hadn't expected them to begin until the third lesson.

As the class began filling out of the room, Lexi retreated to her desk to retrieve the papers the Ministry had instructed her to fill in with regards to castle security. She was to send back weekly reports to the Minister himself who had taken a great deal of interest in Black's escape. This was partly due to Harry's involvement, but most, Lexi thought sceptically, because these sorts of events were what lost votes. Her first port of call was to check the dementors were at their posts, they'd been told not to cross the threshold of the castle grounds but Lexi suspected they wouldn't listen. The pull of all the souls in the castle would prove too much to resist, the thought made her shudder. Being an Auror required frequent trips to Azkaban, which would involve interacting with the beasts. The effect they had on her felt much like the waves of depression she'd felt in the years following Sirius' betrayal. The hopelessness, the urge to allow the darkness to swallow your soul and become no more had been tempting over the years. The repetition of all the torment and sadness proved too much and, at times, Lexi found herself contemplating her life.

Sighing resolutely, Lexi left her classroom and strode purposely to the entrance hall. Dealing with the horrors of Azkaban would be much easier on a full stomach, but if she was honest with herself she was procrastinating. It was rather difficult to have anything regarding a conventional conversation with dementors, conversing with them mainly involved intoning loudly and pointing. Lexi often wondered whether they understood more than they let on, relishing in human inability to understand their rattling breaths.

Lexi bolted down stuffed peppers and salad in the Great Hall before heading out onto the grounds. She had instructed the dementors to remain on the perimeter of the grounds, out of sight from the castle, as Lexi didn't think it would be suitable for particularly the younger students to have to face them on a daily basis. She remembered vividly the first time she was introduced to them; Alastor had taken her, Sirius and some of the other recruits to Azkaban as part of their fast track Auror training. She'd never forget the feeling of complete hopelessness that suffocated her, and it drained all her strength just to remain on her feet.

"Lexi!" A voice from the marble staircase called as she crossed the entrance hall.

"Oh hi, Remus!" She greeted happily as her old friend joined her.

"How was your first lesson?" Remus asked, walking with her. "I heard my second years speaking very highly of you."

"Oh really?" Lexi exclaimed happily, shielding her eyes from the bright midday sunshine. "That brilliant! I've never seen myself as teacher material, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself. No broken limbs, so it must have been a success!"

"Don't tempt fate," Remus replied teasingly. "It is only the first day after all, the year is still young. They'll be plenty of time for accidents!"

"Thanks a bunch," Lexi replied sardonically, although chuckling. "If anything happens, I'm coming for you!"

"Lex, you couldn't intimidate me when we were teenagers," Remus laughed. "And you certainly do not now – ow!" He laughed harder as Lexi poked him sharply in the ribs.

"I shall guess from your cheek and demeanour that your first couple of lessons went well also?" Lexi enquired.

"As well as can be expected," Remus answered modestly. "Those Weasley twins are something, they appear to be picking up where the three of you left off."

Lexi chuckled. "The world needs pranksters," Lexi stated fondly. "There would have been a lot less laughter in my life had we not got into the scrapes that we did."

"I'm sure your _victims_ would disagree,' Remus said with a grin. "Or McGonagall for that matter."

"No one was seriously injured!" Lexi insisted, coming to a halt at the iron gates and performing her usual checks on the security spells that surrounded the grounds. "And that incident with Peter wasn't too serious, he was only in the hospital wing a week!"

"Oh I remember that!" Remus laughed gleefully, and Lexi noticed how this almost made the premature lines disappear from his face. "Poor Peter couldn't sit down for a week!"

"Well, it served him right for getting in the way." Lexi defended with mock incredulity. "He was such a clumsy oaf, always dropping us in it! I'm pretty sure McGonagall was paying him off so we'd get caught."

"It would not surprise me, he often came off worse in your little adventures." Remus smiled sadly. "Sometimes I recall memories, either just as I wake or during mundane daily routines and for a moment I think Peter, James and Lily are still with us."

Lexi sighed heavily, removing her wand from the pocket of her robes. "Expecto patronum," she spoke softly, and a dazzling silver dolphin sprung from the tip of her wand and bounded fluidly through the air. "Even after all this time it feels bizarre to think I cannot just Floo her for a chat," Lexi sighed, trying to cling onto the memory that had conjured her patronus. "I don't suppose those we love truly leave us, I carry her with me wherever I go with her strength being mine now."

"Have you spoken with Harry?" Remus asked, obviously trying to change the subject.

"Not yet, you?" Lexi answered distractedly as she shielded herself and Remus from the dementors behind her patronus, while ticking off their positions on a map of the grounds.

Remus nodded. "Soon into my journey I fell asleep, my – err – condition has the rather inconvenient side effect of severe lethargy," Remus explained, a hint of bitterness was apparent in his voice. "I awoke several hours later and for a second I … thought it was James." His voice cracked under the weight of emotion. "Then a horrid realisation hit me that he … well, that it wasn't him."

Lexi took Remus' hand and squeezed it, knowing the turbulent nature of grief that he was battling all too well. "I remember holding him the day he was born," she recalled wistfully. "Even then he was the embodiment of James, and I remember Lily saying she wasn't sure how she'd cope with two of them." She let out a small laugh. "James said he'd consider it an insult if his son didn't continue where he left off."

"Minerva certainly believes he has inherited his Dad's ability to find trouble wherever he goes," Remus chuckled, clutching Lexi's hand tightly. "James would be very proud indeed."

"Even after all this time it seems wrong to speak of them in the past tense," Lexi sighed mournfully. "I find myself thinking 'I need to tell Lils about this', then it hits me … s-she's not there, and I can't." Lexi felt the tightness in her chest intensify, and silent tears streamed down her cheeks that she didn't both to wipe away. "And then there's Harry … a child shouldn't have to grow up without their parents. H-He'll never know what incredible people they were … it's more than I can bear."

Remus stopped, pulling Lexi towards him in an embrace. Lexi lent against his chest, clutching him closely to her, as if scared that her old friend would be taken from her as all those she had cared about had done. She felt Remus stroke the back of her head rhythmically, and Lexi felt the darkness within her retreat.

"Listen to me," he spoke softly into her curls. "Lily and James may no longer be with us, but a part of them is. I for one am looking forward to getting to know Harry."

"I … don't think I can," Lexi quavered, icy guilt freezing her insides. "I cannot be the person he needs me to be. That was abundantly clear after … well, you know …"

"Lex, you must stop beating yourself up about that," Remus responded gently. "We'd all gone through so much, you more than most, but yet here you stand." She felt Remus put his hand on her shoulder and squeeze reassuringly; Lexi reached up and placed her hand on top of his. "Harry is lucky to have you as a godmother, so please do not think that your stay at St Mungo's means you're unworthy."

"Harry has been through enough without me adding my own baggage to it," Lexi sighed sadly. "I feel constantly on edge since Black escaped, not the sort of influence Harry needs right now."

"Be that as it may, Harry has a right to know about you." Remus answered almost sternly. "Maybe let him make up his mind as to whether he wishes to have a relationship with you?"

"We'll see," Lexi rescinded, checking off the last of the dementors on her map of the castle. "God, this is all so fucked up."

"Eloquent as ever I see," Remus smiled fondly. "Please don't change, will you?"

Lexi smiled, feeling a rush of affection for her old friend. "I don't intend to," Lexi assured.

Lexi left Remus at the base of the Owlery Tower, as she wanted to climb it to survey the area to determine whether there were gaps in the dementors defence network. The late summer sun was slowly sinking below the horizon, the sky dyed pomegranate pink as Lexi climbed the tower. As she emerged to the noise of the chattering birds of prey, she spied Harry standing next to a pristine snowy owl.

She cleared her throat, feeling nerves squirm in her stomach. "Good evening Mr Potter," she greeted warmly. "I trust you've had a satisfactory first day?"

"Evening Professor," Harry replied, looking a little uncertain. "Yes thank you, it's been uneventful. Although I shouldn't complain about that."

"Ha, indeed not," Lexi had heard tales of Harry's previous two years at Hogwarts from Minerva. It was a wonder he stood before her now. "I for one would relish a quiet life, but alas it still eludes me. Incidentally, please call me Lexi. I am no ones professor, and Miss McNaughton is my mother."

"I wonder would it'd be like to have a quiet life," Harry replied darkly, his eyebrows raised in amusement. "I'm starting to think I'm cursed or something.

Lexi chuckled; the resemblance to James was obviously both in looks and personality. It was as though her old friend was momentarily back in the room with her. "I thought that for a time I must admit," Lexi mused out loud. "But then I went into the relatively mundane existence of Magical Law Enforcement and I've found life to be satisfactorily dull since."

"Are you an Auror?" Harry asked shrewdly, and Lexi suspected he'd inherited his Mother's deduction skills.

"Oh heavens no, far too exciting for me," Lexi laughed, recalling her well-rehearsed story she'd gone over with Scrimgeour. "I work in the courts, mainly on sentencing those who have broken our laws."

"Sounds – err – interesting?" Harry offered politely.

"Oh it's a frightful bore," Lexi acted. "But it pays the bills and keeps me out of trouble, which is something many thought couldn't be done."

"Trouble seems to find me, so I don't think anything could keep it away from me," Harry grinned. "Anyway, I'd better go. See you, Lexi!"

Harry bade Lexi good evening and watched as he disappeared down the tower steps. She'd never been the maternal sort, and had always ruled out the idea of procreating with anyone, even her former fiancée. But seeing Harry and knowing he was all that remained of Lily caused a change within her, like a spark had been ignited and she knew in that moment that she'd do anything to protect him.

* * *

Lexi stood leaning against the stone balcony edge gazing over the grounds as light was covered by the rapidly falling night. The bright blue September sky was transformed into an ocean of blackness, enveloping the ground beneath it. Shimmering stars illuminated the moonless, jet black sky, as if to remind Lexi that even in darkness there was still light. Owls swept silently overhead in the direction of the Forbidden Forest, no doubt venturing out for a nighttime hunt. She closed her eyes and allowed her senses to drink in the tranquility, and a cool breeze caressed her skin and stilled her soul.

It was the first time that day she'd felt the storm within her cease its relentless mauling and allowed her some capacity to process the day left behind her. Since her exchange with Severus that morning she'd found it almost impossible to fully focus on her lessons, her mind kept drawing her back to the overwhelming ecstasy she had felt at his closeness. The intensity of these feelings and the rapidity with which they had taken hold of her had played on her mind throughout the day. She recalled how his touch sent electricity through her body and soul, and how she'd felt something stirring that she'd assumed was long since dead. She'd deliberately buried that part of herself for fear of resurrecting the darkness that had once engulfed her, and would take a stranglehold over her psyche once more.

Lexi looked up at the sound of footsteps ascending the spiral staircase, her stomach twisted in a knot of anticipation that was becoming all too familiar when she took the company of Severus Snape. A shadow emerged from the darkness and Severus stepped into view, he had dispensed with his teaching robes and simply wore a black waistcoat over a white linen shirt. He approached her wordlessly and stood next to her on the stone balcony, his expression as unreadable as ever and his posture tense as though he was uncomfortable being alone with her. Lexi had to admit that she had expected him to turn down her invitation, and had felt foolish for making such a request of a man she'd spend much of her life feeling nothing but contempt for. The fact that he was here momentarily stunned her, and neither party said anything for several moments.

"Well, I must say you're thrilling company, Severus." Lexi voiced mischievously, folding her arms across her chest and fixing him with an amused expression.

Severus merely grunted in response, continuing to avert his gaze from her and stare into the inky blackness that covered the grounds. A heavy silence settled over them, thicker than the uneasy awkwardness in the atmosphere. Lexi observed Severus discreetly over the top of her book, and toyed with the idea of asking more but stopped short. She felt that forcing him into a banal exchange would only serve to aggravate him further, and so decided to allow him time to be the one to initiate the conversation.

"Tell me," he ventured tentatively after a full ten minutes of silence. "How did you come by that book?"

"Lily … she gave it to me, after we left school," Lexi answered quietly, feeling the familiar icy sensation grip her heart that came when speaking about her friend. "After … my Dad died, she said it would help me escape."

"Did it?" Severus asked, turning to face her. "Help you escape?"

"To a point," Lexi disclosed quietly. "In the end one must confront the darkness, regardless of how much hurt it brings." She paused, unsure as to why she was bearing her soul to him but found herself opening up in a way she hadn't before. "You can't escape it no matter how hard you try, because it follows you around like a black shadow that's on the inside, eating you. You're only choice is to hope the light brightens from time to time, long enough to allow you some solace in the sun."

"And if the sun never rises?" He asked pessimistically.

"Now, if I were to quote a learned man I once knew, I'd say that 'good things come when one least expect it." Lexi pondered, mocking the advice once given to her. "Although we both know that's bollocks."

"It sounds like the sort false optimism I've come to despite," Severus grumbled. "It's usually given by those who haven't a clue what it is like to truly suffer the darkness."

"Quite," Lexi agreed. "My default setting used to be 'low', and it often felt as though I was drowning. I cannot say how I've been keeping my head above water. All I know is that I've known pain enough to fragment my soul into such tiny pieces it took me years to reassemble my mind, and yet here I stand. My mere survival is enough to convince me that I deserve to be here, which in a way allows me some solace in the sun."

Severus was silent, his brows furrowed, as he appeared to ponder what Lexi had just said. She had the suspicion that he knew more of the darkness than he would like others to think. She also suspected that his outward demeanor was a deliberate one, carefully drafted to prevent those around him from getting too close. Lexi recognized the signs as she'd engaged in similar behavior since Lily and James' deaths, refusing to allow those around her to see how fragile her mind had become.

"Who'd have thought we could spend consecutive minutes in each other's company and not resort to hexes?" Lexi asked after several more moments of silence.

"Who indeed," was the only response Severus offered her.

Lexi frowned, remembering Lily's words about Severus being more than his outward persona. She had never engaged in more than hateful words with him in the past, and it was only now, after all they'd been through, that she was beginning to see the true man behind the black robes and the scowl. She felt her stomach squirm uncomfortably as she recalled how she had treated Severus when they were younger. How she'd allowed herself to become caught up in the Marauder's taunting and hadn't stopped for a moment to think about the repercussions of her actions. Lily had defended Severus furiously during their friendship, and even after they stopped speaking she never had a bad word to say about him, only that he'd moved with the wrong crowd.

"Severus, might I say something?" Lexi queried gently.

"Would you desist if I said no?" Severus replied, arching his eyebrows.

"Ha, probably not," Lexi laughed. "In any case, I feel as though this needs to be said."

"Go on," he drawled, but looking interested.

"I feel that I owe you an apology," she confessed, wringing her hands together. "I wish to retract all the bad things I ever said about you, they were never a reflection on you, only my own ignorance. I know these words mean little now but hope they can go some way to making amends."

Severus' gaze slid into hers, and Lexi felt peculiarly conscious of the draw she felt to this man. She felt a crackling in the air that seemed to become more palpable whenever they came within two feet of each other and once again she felt her breath leave her as the infinite blackness of his eyes overwhelmed her senses.

Seconds passed, Lexi's brain trying to read Severus', his features suspended between uneasiness and confusion. Realising it was highly unlikely she was going to get anything more out of him, Lexi pulled her book from the back pocket of her jeans and sank to floor she had only been reading for a moment when she head Severus follow suit. She looked over the top of her book and saw he was sitting with his back against the wall and his legs outstretched. His eyes were closed and an oddly tranquil expression was apparent on his usually unreadable features. Far from being an awkward silence, Lexi felt reassured by it, as though it was a protective cocoon around them. It was then that Lexi felt the dynamic between them shift, as though they both unconsciously accepted their commonalities despite their outward reluctance to exchange anything more than awkward pleasantries. It was difficult to comprehend this change, even more so when Lexi considered she was secretly pleased about it.

* * *

 **Woah, slightly long chapter there! Let me know what you think in the reviews :) x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

As Lexi's first week as a teacher drew to a close, she felt more comfortable in her new, albeit temporary position. She found herself modeling her classroom persona on that of Alastor Moody, her mentor during her years as a Junior Auror at the Ministry. He was the one teacher that Lexi hadn't been able to get the better of. Whatever witty retort she had, he had one better. He took her disobedience and turned into an advantage for himself, but not through belittling her or stamping authority. He checked her behaviour with a style of dry humour that she could relate to, aspire to even. The relationship they forged over the years had become akin to that of father and daughter, a bond made even dearer to Lexi as she'd lost her own Dad at the age of sixteen.

Her last period of the week was with Harry's third year class, and Lexi felt her nerves heighten as she heard the class arrive outside her door. Despite meeting Harry briefly, she felt a pressure to impress that she hadn't with all her other classes. Lexi was also battling against the idea of telling Harry that she was his godmother, despite Remus' optimism she knew the chance for them to have a any sort of relationship had passed by long ago.

"Come on, McNaughton, the world doesn't stop for your problems." She said to herself, mimicking Alastor's supposed word of 'encouragement' he would bark at her. She took a deep breath and opened the door and a hush fell on the students, and Lexi was pleased to note they wore eager expressions.

"Good afternoon, third years," she greeted warmly. "Do come in and seat yourselves in a chair facing the middle of the room."

Lexi smiled as the class filed eagerly into the room, and Lexi noted the Gryffindor's had been paired with the Slytherin's. She often wondered why the two Houses who were supposed mortal enemies were constantly put in classes together, it had been the same during her time at the school and the results often kept Madame Pomfrey in business for much of the year.

"The school has really gone downhill if they're letting _that_ teach here." Jeered a spiteful voice from behind her.

"I beg your –"

"They really are scraping the bottle of the barrel," the voice continued as though it hadn't heard her. "But I suppose there's no accounting for taste."

Draco Malfoy pushed past flanked by two heavyset boys Lexi assumed to be the sons of Crabbe and Goyle, the fathers of whom Lexi had investigated on numerous occasions but each time evidence 'disappeared' before a trial could begin. Malfoy senior, on the other hand, had proved a formidable foe in the months after Voldemort's downfall. Despite Lexi spending an entire year gathering intelligence on Lucius Malfoy's death eater activities, he always managed to wriggle free of her grasp.

Lexi chose to ignore Draco; the last thing she wanted to do was to become embroiled in an argument with a Malfoy. "Now, I gather from the Headmaster that your previous dueling instructor was – uh – lacking, to say the least," she spoke with confidence, the comment earned her some titters from members of the class, particularly Harry and friends. "I assure you that – unlike my predecessor – I am highly qualified to instruct you in the art of dueling."

The students shifted excitedly in their seats as Lexi explained that they would begin with learning blocking spells and maneuvering.

"We will begin with blocking. The most common blocking spell is the shield spell _protego,_ " Lexi explained. "Correct pronunciation is key, so repeat after me pro-TAY-goh" the class dutifully repeated the spell back to her. "Excellent, now another important thing to remember is maneuvering. You _must_ keep your eyes and body facing your opponent. Never lower you wand and remember _constant vigilance_!"

Lexi set about dividing the class into pairs and instructed one to send a disarming spell while the other attempted to block it. She continued to ignore the snide comments and smirks Malfoy and his gang of cronies sent her way, she wasn't about to get herself involved with that godforsaken family again.

"Spread yourselves out," Lexi called over the chatter. "The last thing I want is a serious injury, the resulting paperwork is far too tiresome."

Lexi moved her way through the practicing students, correcting stances and pronunciations when required. She made her way over to Harry and his friend, who Lexi observed were both very competent. Despite James not taking part in the Ministry's Auror training program along with her and Sirius, he was an agile fighter with quick reflexes, and it was clear that some of James' talent had passed onto his son. She watched as he effortlessly blocked his friends disarming spells.

"Well done Harry," Lexi praised merrily as she approached the two boys. "Great stance, remember to keep you wand arm raised and outstretched it'll ensure consistent aiming. Now lets see your friend try Mr -?"

"Weasley, Ron Weasley," Ron answered brightly.

"Well Mr Weasley, let's see you then," Lexi took a step back. "Remember, sideways positioning and keep your wand arm raised."

Ron nodded and took his position, facing Harry and mouthing, "bring it on". Lexi chuckled to herself as Harry's perfectly aimed disarming curst hit Ron squarely in the chest, knocking Ron off his feet.

"Up you get Mr Weasley," Lexi barked, offering Ron her hand and pulling him to his feet. "Now, you're stance is correct but you need to anticipate Potter's movements. You need to be a millisecond ahead, keep your wand arm raised. Go again."

"Okay," Ron answered, a determined scowl crossing his face.

This time Ron was ready, no sooner at the spell left Harry's wand Ron had yelled the shield spell and with a slash of his wand arm sent the crimson glow into the stone wall.

"Get in!" Ron cheered happily.

"Excellent Mr Weasley! Ten points each to Gryffindor for yourself and Mr Potter."

Lexi smiled as Harry thumped Ron in a congratulatory manner on the back, causing him to stagger forward several paces. As the lesson drew to a close, Lexi felt the lesson went rather well, unless you count having to stem the bleeding nose of Neville Longbottom, who had somehow tripped over his own robes.

"Right, homework," Lexi announced as the lesson ended. "I want you to research a wizard duel of your choice, one roll of parchment with particular focus on the conquering wizards strategy. You are dismissed."

The was a unanimous scraping of chairs the students made their way out of the classroom, and Lexi saw Harry make his way through the hurrying crowd towards her, she eyed him curiously. He hovered awkwardly, as though unsure as to whether or not he should be speaking with her.

"Mr Potter, what can I do for you?" She enquired pleasantly, taking a seat behind her desk and motioning for Harry to take the empty chair opposite her.

"I wanted to ask you something," he muttered, staring at his hands. "You – err – don't have to say anything, but …"

Lexi stood and walked round her desk so she perched on the edge next to Harry. "There is nothing you cannot speak to me about," she reassured, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What is it?"

Harry looked up, meeting Lexi's gaze awkwardly. "Did you … know my parents?" He asked quietly, sadness etched onto his young face.

Lexi felt her stomach shift uneasily and she noticed that her hands that were clasped on her lap had begun to pinch her skin. She bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to hide her apprehension at answering the question. Her discussion with Remus earlier in the week rang in her ears, and her fears at not being ready to reveal to Harry their true relationship came washing over her like a tidal wave. She schooled her features into what she hoped for an impassive expression before continuing.

"What makes you think I did?" She asked nonchalantly, trying to ignore the nervous nausea.

"I thought I recognized you at the Welcoming Feast, but I couldn't figure out why. So I looked through a photo album Hagrid gave me in my first year," Harry revealed. "There was this one photo, at my parents wedding, you were standing next to my Mum." He reached into his pocked and pulled out a photograph and handing it to Lexi.

Lexi had grieved so many times and for so long over the loss of her friend, but seeing Lily's beaming smile on the happiest day of her life almost unraveled the fragile tapestry in her mind. Her shaking fingers clasped the photograph of the two friends smiling and laughing joyfully, Lily looking radiant in a simple, white satin gown. Guilt began to settle once again inside her brain. She had been absent from Harry's life for thirteen years, and even though she wouldn't be able to make amends fully she could begin do so in subtle ways.

"Yes, Harry, I did," she conceded with a deep sigh, placing the photo on the desk and turning away. "It is not something I like to talk about," she steadied her breathing. "For me the grief is still too near."

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to –"

"Please don't be sorry, Harry, you had every right to ask," Lexi insisted, turning to face her godson. "It seems so cruel that I got to spend to much time with your parents while you did not, so I will ensure to answer any questions you may have as best I can, but another time perhaps?"

"Y-Yeah, that'd be great!" Harry exclaimed happily, his eye lighting up.

"Come by my office for afternoon tea, tomorrow after lunch perhaps?" Lexi offered. "We can talk then."

"Thank –"

The door to Lexi's office opened with a loud creak, and she saw Remus poke his head round. "My apologies, I didn't mean to interrupt," Remus announced diffidently, pushing the door further and stepping into the classroom.

"Oh not at all professor," Lexi replied, coming to her senses. "Harry and I were just chatting." She turned to Harry. "Thank you for speaking with me, I'll see you tomorrow."

Harry nodded with a smile, retrieved the photo from her desk and hurried out of the room.

"Afternoon Lex," Remus said brightly. "What was that about?"

"Oh nothing," Lexi waved the subject away dismissively.

"Lexi," Remus said sternly, looking down his nose at her. His expression reminded her forcefully of the time she, Sirius and James had been caught by Remus directing first years in the direction of Peeves who was throwing water balloons at anyone unfortunate enough to pass by.

"Harry asked whether I was friends with Lily," Lexi recounted, sinking into her chair. "He'd seen a photo me and Lily at their wedding."

Remus' features softened. "I recall Hagrid sending an owl requesting any photographs," he remembered, perching himself on the desk beside her. "What did you say?"

"I told him that I did," Lexi rubbed her temples, which were beginning to throb. "I didn't admit to being his godmother."

Remus reached for her hand and clasped it in his. "I think, for perhaps the first time in our friendship, I have witnessed you make the right decision," Remus assured her with a grin. "Just don't run before you can walk, it would have been a big step for both of you."

"I've invited him over tomorrow to talk about it," Lexi said, squeezing Remus' hand. "I said I'd answer any questions that he has, and maybe get to know him a little better. He is all I have left of her … of them."

"All we both have," Remus added softly.

Lexi sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "I honestly do not know what I'd do without you," she breathed.

"And I you," he intoned softly, kissing the top of her head.

Lexi smiled contentedly in his embrace, feeling a warmth rise in her that had been absent for much of the week. "Fancy taking a pretty lady out to dinner?" Lexi asked brightly, lifting her head. "I've heard tonight is Ladies Night at The Three Broomsticks."

"If I can find one, sure." He laughed, narrowly avoiding Lexi's playful punch. "Okay, okay – I'll take you."

"Cheeky sod," she giggled, taking Remus' arm and allowing him to steer her from the room.

* * *

Lexi called back her patronus as she left the dementors after completing her daily check on their positions. Her temper was frayed to say the least, as they seemed hell bent on inching their way towards the souls in the castle. Each one of them was not in the position Lexi had instructed them to be, and it took shouting herself hoarse for almost an hour before they shrunk back to their posts. She was sure Fudge only put her up to this job because he could stand her insubordination no longer; to say the two of them had never seen eye-to-eye was an understatement. Fudge could talk her up as much as he liked, but Lexi knew her deployment was so he could remove yet another employee from the Ministry who openly disagreed with them. Fudge was not the sort who took criticism well; he saw it as a personal attack on his character.

The first Saturday of the new term was blustery but bright, and Lexi relished the warmth of the suns glow on her skin knowing that the harsh Scottish winter was not far round the corner. When she reached her quarters she tossed her robes crossly on the back of the sofa and retreated behind her desk to complete a daily report for Scrimgeour. Since Voldemort's downfall much of her job had been administrative which, unless you travelled abroad on missions, was what life as an Auror entailed these days. Many of the newest recruits joined up expecting exciting espionage, or daring rescue missions from the clutches of evil, but what they got instead was paperwork and tracking down criminals for petty crimes.

After an hour or so, there was a soft knock at her door and Lexi raised her head, thankful for the intrusion. She threw down her quill and conjured some tea and cups, for she knew her visitor to be Harry Potter. They'd arranged to meet since he'd discovered Lexi had been a friend to his mother. Lexi hadn't divulged that Lily had appointed her his godmother, but this relationship would have to be taken one step at a time.

"Hello, Harry!" Lexi greeted warmly as she opened the door. "Do come in."

"Hi, Lexi," Harry answered a little nervously. "Is it still alright to talk about …"?

"Of course," Lexi assured brightly. "Sit down, I'll make some tea."

Harry settled himself down as Lexi boiled the water with a flick of her wand and divided it between two cups. She handed one to Harry who took it but didn't sip, instead he rested it on his lap, his gaze not meeting hers.

"How has your first week back been?" Lexi asked conversationally, keen to start a dialogue.

"Been better," Harry commented despondently. "Did you hear about what happened to Malfoy?"

"I did, I can't say as I was overly devastated," Lexi quipped in the hopes of lightening Harry's mood. "If you are worried for Hargid, then you need not be. Dumbledore will fight his corner, and I doubt even Lucius would be able to over rule him on that."

"I dunno, Malfoy's Dad got Dumbledore suspended from the school a last year," Harry said darkly. "The Ministry is in his pocket!"

"Many of those in Fudge's cabinet are frightened of him admittedly," Lexi said, taking a sip of tea. "But rest assured, Dumbledore will not allow anyone, even Lucius Malfoy, to twist justice to his favour."

"Are you frightened of him?" Harry asked, taking a small sip of his own tea.

"Ha, not in the slightest," Lexi scoffed lightly, recalling how Malfoy would actively avoid her when they encountered each other at the Ministry. "I know too many things about him and his despicable family, he wouldn't dare trouble me."

"Nice," Harry voiced appreciatively. "Have you worked at the Ministry long?"

"Just over sixteen years, I started off with the Law Enforcement department a month after I'd graduated." Lexi reminisced wistfully. "The time in which we lived then were perilous, so the Ministry offered generous packages for any student who signed up to their trainee positions."

"Did my parents join?" Harry queried eagerly.

"James didn't, he always said his talents lay outside organisations," Lexi revealed fondly. "Lily expressed a desire to become a Healer, so she started as an apprentice with St Mungo's. Back then we needed all the Healers we could get, people were dropping like flies."

"My Mum wanted to be Healer?" Harry repeated in awe.

"Her long-term goal was to work in the laboratory, experimenting with cures for the more severe magical ailments," Lexi recounted. "She was particularly gifted at potions, a subject that proved to be my Achilles heel at Hogwarts. If it wasn't for her tutelage I doubt I'd have had the NEWT grades necessary to become an Auror."

"I must have inherited by potions skills from my Dad then," Harry remarked, almost proudly.

"Oh James hated potions, and was more often that not in detention for blowing up a section of the classroom." Lexi chuckled fondly. "Lily tried to help him pull his grade up, but after what happened during his exam I'm surprised he scraped an Acceptable."

"What happened?" Harry asked, grinning.

"James never went into details, but his examiner had to be replaced half way through his exam." Lexi chortled, recalling James' horrified expression when he returned to the common room. "Lily swears she saw him in the hospital wing covered in scales, this is something James strenuously denied, of course."

Harry roared with laughter. "How did he even get an Acceptable?"

"Merlin know, but James was always able to talk his way out of anything." Lexi marvelled. "His gift of the gab saved our bacon more times than I can to remember."

"Hermione does that, well, her brains more than anything else." Harry commented affectionately.

"Lily was the brains in our friendship, she kept me grounded in more ways than one." Lexi sighed sadly.

"How did you meet?" Harry enquired brightly.

Lexi beamed and regaled Harry with the tale of her and Lily's first encounter with obvious glee. They met the day Lexi turned eleven, just after they'd both been sorted into Gryffindor house, their toes barely touching the floor of the Common Room as they sat on the large, high-backed chairs by the fire. There was so much laughter despite only knowing one other for a couple of hours, giggling constantly to soothe their shared nerves about what life at Hogwarts had in store for them.

"It took an angry prefect demanding we go to bed to stop us talking that night," Lexi chuckled. "Most of our evenings were spent like that, when I wasn't off with –" Lexi felt Sirius' name catch in her throat " – off making trouble for myself."

"I'm sorry if talking to me about this stuff has upset you," Harry apologised quietly. "I just … wanted to know about …"

"It's alright, I knew that my being back here would make me relive my past," Lexi assured, patting him on the arm. "You deserve to know more about them, and should you ever wish to talk to me, please do so."

"Thanks," Harry smiled, and Lexi felt a maternal fire light itself inside her. "I had better go, I've already got loads of homework. I swear Professor Snape thinks we have nothing better to do."

"Probably because he doesn't himself," Lexi smirked. "Still, I won't be the one to keep you from your studies. I am now a responsible adult after all."

"Why do I get the feeling you don't believe that," Harry chuckled.

"Because I don't," Lexi replied mischievously. "I do not wish to keep you, Harry. I'll see you next week."

"Yeah, see you," Harry rose from the sofa and headed towards the door, pausing for a couple of seconds then turning back. "And … thanks."

"You're most welcome," Lexi answered brightly.

As the door closed behind her godson, Lexi sank back into the chair and sighed deeply. The effort she'd had expended trying to contain her emotions had taken its toll, and even though she could see the large pile of paperwork piled high on her desk she decided not to tackle it today and instead she headed out of her quarters intent on walking the castle grounds.

* * *

As September faded into October the autumnal glow that had once basked Hogwarts in a celestial afterglow was gradually replaced by a budding wintery chill. A harsh, biting wind wrapped the grounds in an unforgiving cocoon and dismal grey clouds stole the sunlight from the mountains. Life within the castle passed with a sense of normality. A few reported sightings of Sirius Black were noted amongst the inhabitants of the castle, but many felt assured in the security of the school and very few troubled themselves with Black's movements. The assurance of Dumbledore's presence was enough to convince students and staff alike that Black wouldn't dare enter Hogwarts grounds, and even if he did he would be swiftly apprehended. Lexi however knew Black better than anyone; he had never been one to back down when something stood in his way.

The much anticipated Halloween feast was almost upon the castle, and the grim mood which had gripped the castle since the departure of summertime was lifted by the festoons of candy-filled pumpkins, apples, black cauldrons of big lollipops, live bats and bright orange and black streamers that decorated the Great Hall. As it was a Sunday, many of the students would be off to Hogsmeade for the day. Lexi positioned herself next to Filch as the students filled out of the Gate and down the hilly path to the quaint little village below. Filch checked off the names of the students as they left the grounds, while Lexi was careful to observe her surroundings. She didn't think Black would be foolish enough to attempt anything here, not in the open. But you always needed to expect the unexpected with him.

"Mr Weasley, Miss Granger, won't Mr Potter be joining you?" She enquired as the pair drew level to her.

"No he isn't," the Granger girl replied, looking a little affronted by Lexi's abrupt question. "His aunt and uncle wouldn't sign his permission slip."

"Ah, that's a shame," Lexi replied absent mindedly, wondering why Petunia and Vernon would have failed to do so. "Well, have a good afternoon you two." She added with a nod.

"Thanks Miss," Miss Granger replied, following Ron Weasley out of the grounds.

Lexi ushered the rest of the students through the gates, and when she was sure everything was above board she returned to the castle. Hogsmead was quite safe as there were plenty of people bustling about on their weekend morning shop. Lexi decided to spend her afternoon reading 'The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader' up in the astronomy tower. Once she had retrieved the book from her quarters she began the long and breathless climb to the top of the tower. She preferred the castle quiet and tranquil, it gave her time to reflect and think. Lexi perched on the balcony so she could catch the glowing embers of the early winter sun.

Lexi had only been reading a few moments when voice tore her from the ships landfall on the Lone Islands.

"You're early."

She looked up to see Severus emerge from the stairs and head over to their now usual spot on the balcony.

"A witch is never early," said quoted failing to mask a grin. "Nor is she late, she arrives precisely when she means to."

"Which Muggle fiction are you quoting now?" He asked in a bored voice, taking his place opposite Lexi.

"How do you not know such wisdom has come from my own lips?" Lexi asked with mock hurt.

"I have spent more than ten seconds in your company," Severus answered dryly. "That is all one needs to conclude wisdom is not something that comes from your lips."

"You wound me, Severus Snape," Lexi joked, holding her chest. "It was from Lord of the Rings." She relented a few seconds later."

"You shock me," he drawled sardonically, leaning against the stone wall. "Your fascination with Muggle literature is … most unusual."

"The themes which run through them are fascinating," Lexi gushed, sitting up cross-legged. "Take the Lord of the Rings for example, to me it is about Death and the desire for deathlessness. Throughout the story death is referred to as the gift and doom of man, while immortality is the gift given to the elves. This leads to some form of fear for Men, who do not understand what truly happens at death and thus fear it as a result."

"You think we humans fear death?" Severus questioned thoughtfully.

"It is a fate we cannot escape and over which we have no control," Lexi hypothesized. "Throughout Lord of the Rings humanity dealing with death is prominent, the desire to escape death is shown to be evil." She paused, meeting Severus' penetrative stare. "To desire immortality means you never truly live, we're meant to envy the immortals but they do not know the joy of lifelong friendship or love because they watch those they care for die."

"Mortals watch those who they care for die too." Severus pointed out, a knowing look in his normally emotionless eyes.

"In the story, an elf known as Arwen forgoes her immortality for the mortal man she loves," Lexi explained passionately. "She is said to proclaim that she would rather spend one lifetime with her love, than face all of the ages of the world alone."

"Foolish, love dies as us mere mortal will surely do." Severus dismissed, clearly unconvinced by Lexi's assertions.

"I think love is the only immortal thing we have," she declared openly. "It transcends time and space, no matter what happens to our bodies, the love we have for others remains strong."

"How can you spout such nonsense?" He articulated disbelievingly. "Muggle fantasy has undoubtedly clouded your judgement."

"I realise the irony in my words," Lexi acquiesced. "It is the tone of a person who has been bittered by experience." She sighed sadly. "Fantastical love, even that through Muggle fantasy, betters my own experiences. It is this this, perhaps, that explains my fondness for the genre."

Severus answered her wordlessly with a pensieve expression.

"You may think me foolish, Severus, but one cannot deny the euphoria that comes with knowing the love of another." Lexi persisted, not wavering under his intense stare.

"You know of the pain love brings, yet you speak these words?" He uttered incredulously.

"I refuse to close myself off to others merely because of the actions of an individual." Lexi vowed defiantly. "I spent a number of very lonely years isolating myself from those who cared for me. It was not a pleasant existence."

"On the contrary I find it removes one from unnecessary torment," Severus argued hotly.

"Do I torment you?" Lexi asked abruptly, folding her arms across her chest.

Severus blinked several times in surprise. "I do not recall saying that." He hissed, clearly losing patience with the conversation.

"Companionship is not a torment, it is a gift," Lexi asserted. "If taking a companion is so torturous for you, why is it that you insist on taking my company every night?"

Severus' eyes narrowed at Lexi as though her question had physically stung him, his hands twitched on his lap. "You … I do not have to explain myself … "

"I only asked why you take my company, Severus, I did not think it impertinent to ask." Lexi huffed, although conscious they were in the frozen seconds between stand off and fight. "I actually think it's a rather valid question, seeing as though we've loathed one another for most of our lives."

Severus regarded Lexi for a moment before answering. "I cannot say why," Severus answered quietly, his anger seemingly diffused. "All I do know is that your company is not completely awful and I am able to suffer it for a time."

"Well, that's as close to giving a compliment as Severus Snape will come, so I'll take it." Lexi smiled, watching with some satisfaction as the corners of his mouth twitched.

"You are still infuriating," Severus mumbled, averting his gaze.

"I am well aware of that," she agreed with a smirk.

* * *

 **As a reward for my long absence please find an extra long chapter :) Updates will be more frequent now I'm on summer break. R &R please x**

 **PS Someone in the reviews pointed out there was layout issues with this chapter. Hopefully i've sorted it but please let me know again. Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Halloween at Hogwarts had a long tradition of being a flamboyant affair, and was a high-anticipated feast that staff and students alike looked forward to. Lexi had cherished memories of the Halloween Feast while a student, and as excitement heightened closer to the end of October, Lexi couldn't help but find herself thoroughly in the spirit of the macabre season. On the night of the feast, the Great Hall had been decorated with its usual live bats, which swooped upon unsuspecting students and Lexi failed to hide her sniggers as tiny first years ran screaming from them. Hagrid's pumpkins had been carved into lanterns large enough for several people to fit comfortably inside and a troupe of dancing skeletons serving as pre-feast entertainment paraded round the hall, bowing to rapturous applause.

Gasps of delight filled the hall as a sumptuous feast appeared on the golden plates, and Lexi, who had spent the day in meetings at the Ministry, suddenly felt ravenous and pilled her plate with half a pumpkin pie, potatoes and vegetables. Wielding her knife and fork as weapons, she tucked in as though she had not eaten for several weeks.

"Have you no dignity left, McNaughton?" She heard Severus whisper from beside her. He often dispensed with their first name terms when in pubic.

"It appears not," Lexi articulated after swallowing a huge mouthful of food. "Plus, you haven't spent the day in the company of Scrimgeour, a man renowned for tragically being born without a personality."

"I trust our government had its head firmly planted in the sand?" Severus said contemptuously, sipping on his goblet of wine.

"How did you ever guess?" Lexi replied in mock surprise. "Fudge seems convinced that Black is simply going to turn himself in, and be like 'oh terribly sorry, can I go back to prison now'?" She paused, her heart feeling heavy. "Very few know of how destructive Black can truly be, and it infuriates me that the Minister is so dismissive of the situation."

"More people than you think know what Black is capable of," Severus whispered so only Lexi could hear. "You are not alone in experiencing the worst the man has to offer."

"I know," Lexi exhaled her words carefully to ensure Remus, who was sat on her other side, didn't hear. "We will catch him, and he _will_ suffer for what he has done."

"He has to," Severus said in barely more than a whisper, his eyes boring into hers with conviction.

Then Lexi felt it, that static, that crackling in the air that always happened whenever the two of them got within a foot of each other. By all accounts there should have been nothing between them, they were very different people and their past was marred with misplaced hatred. Despite this their close proximity often made the hairs of the back of Lexi's neck stand on end, and now it was enough that she felt a little afraid for her life, like, if his hand brushed hers, one or both of them will be instantly electrocuted.

"People are beginning to stare," Severus muttered, his eyes sweeping the Great Hall where faces were beginning to turn in their direction.

"And?" Lexi responded, none the wiser as to his point.

"I would appreciate it if we kept our – ahh – acquaintance to ourselves," he responded, narrowing his eyes at the now whispering students. "It is not something I wish to share."

"Share? What do you –"

Severus got abruptly to his feet before Lexi could finish. He lingered on the spot for a few seconds before learning down and whispering into Lexi's ear. "I shall see you tonight."

The closeness of Severus' lips to her skin made the world feel as though it stopped on its axis. Her breath quickened which she knew she'd failed to disguise from him as he looked unsure of himself before swiftly exiting the Great Hall. Lexi exhaled slowly in an attempt to steady her rapidly beating heart.

"Since when have you and Severus been on speaking terms?" Remus enquired.

"Wha – oh, well I wouldn't say speaking terms exactly," Lexi spluttered, still distracted. "We cleared the air … sort of."

"Oh you did?" Remus said with some surprise, placing his knife and fork on his plate and turning to face her. "Since when?"

"For a while," Lexi answered casually, finishing the last of her meal and draining her wine. "It seemed petty to allow previous animosity to fester."

"That is very admirable of you," Remus smiled knowingly, Lexi had forgotten how perceptive her old friend was. "I am surprised to see how well you and Severus seem to be getting on recently. Minerva commented on it the other day in fact."

"What do you mean?" Lexi questioned in what she hoped was a nonchant manner.

"Oh she just happened to mention she'd seen the two of you conversing a few times," he pressed on and Lexi knew that Remus was a dog with a bone at this point. "I did not think Severus was one to make amends."

"Yeah, well, maybe he's not the person we all thought he was." Lexi argued, suddenly become defensive. "I have certainly learnt that since being back here."

"Minerva seems to think Severus has become quite taken with you," Remus pressed on with a grin. "She said that she's not seen him take the company of another so often, so voluntarily."

"I would appreciate it if you refrained from becoming embroiled in pathetic adolescent gossip, Remus." Lexi cautioned, feeling her temper fray.

"Hey, Lex, I didn't mean to offend, I was only –"

"Save it," she snapped, leaving the staff table just as Dumbledore called an end to the proceedings and directed students to return to their dormitories.

Lexi stormed from the Great Hall, trying to create as much distance between her and the rest of the staff as possible.

"Lex, wait!" She heard Remus' protests as she pushed her way through the throng of students who were assembling in the Great Hall.

Lexi ignored Remus the whole way up the marble staircase, despite hearing his continued calls from several people behind her.

"Lex, stop!" She felt Remus grab her wrist and pull her from the staircase onto the fifth floor.

"Let me –" she protested, but Remus placed his hands gently on either side of her face and forced her to look him in the eye.

"Lexi Helena McNaughton," he said sternly. "Will you for once try not to be so stubborn?"

"Me? Stubborn? I wasn't the one who –"

Remus silenced her tirade by placing a finger on her lips and making a 'shush' noise. "May I speak frankly, as your friend?" He asked firmly, not giving Lexi a choice to refuse. Lexi grunted a response. "Never in our twenty three years of friendship have I known you to have a short temper, and I do not care for it." He paused, before continuing in a gentler tone. "Is everything alright with you?"

"I am fine, Remus," she sighed, taking his hands in one of hers and kissing his knuckles. "I just have Fudge on my back constantly and seem to do nothing but run around making sure the dementors aren't terrorizing the school. It is becoming a tiresome and thankless last."

"If I know anyone who can put those awful creatures in their place, it's you," Remus smiled. "You have a rather formidable stunning curse that I would not mess with."

"And don't you forget it," she laughed, glad for the lighter tone. "Listen, I'm sorry for snapping. I shouldn't be taking out my frustrations on you."

"You're alright," Remus soothed, pulling her to his chest. "I should not have pushed the topic, and in any case I could never stay mad at you."

"Let's just agree the whole thing is weird and leave it at that," she snickered. "You're very difficult to be mad at yourself. It's those puppy dog eyes, no one can resist."

"If that were true I wouldn't be a sad, lonely man with nothing but a tank of Grindelows for company," he quipped in a self-deprecating manner.

"Why don't you join me for a nightcap?" Lexi asked, following Remus back onto the staircase. "I have a rather nice bottle of red that has remained unopened for far too long."

A loud commotion and a piercing scream sudden broke the quiet from the seventh floor before Remus could answer. Her and Remus dashed up the remaining two floors to be confronted by a gaggle of Gryffindor students, each of whom wore a frightened look on their faces.

"What's going on?" Lexi asked authoritatively. Parting the students and making her way towards the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"It's the Fat Lady, she's gone," squealed Ginny Weasley.

Lexi saw large rips in the Fat Lady's canvas, great chunks had been torn away completely and bits littered the floor. It looked as though they'd been made with a knife, as for the Fat Lady herself she had fled her portrait.

"Everyone, back to the Great Hall, someone needs to get –"

"We need to find the fat Lady," Dumbledore stated from behind them, joined by Professor McGonagall and Severus. "Professor McGonagall please go to Mr Filch at once and tell him to search every painting in the castle for her."

"You'll be lucky!" Said a cackling voice.

Everyone looked up to see Peeves the poltergeist bobbing over the crowd and looking thoroughly delighted at the chaos below.

"What do you mean, Peeves?" Dumbledore asked calmly, and Peeve's grin faded a little.

"Ashamed, Your Headship, sir. Doesn't want to be seen. She's a horrible mess. Saw her running through the landscape on the forth floor, sir, dodging between the trees. Crying something dreadful," he said happily. "Poor thing," he added, unconvincingly.

"Did she say who did it?" Said Dumbledore quietly.

"Oh, yes, Professorhead," said Peeves, with the air of one cradling a large bombshell in his arms. "He got very angry when she wouldn't let him in, you see,"

Lexi felt all the air in her lungs leave, almost as though she knew what Peeves was about to reveal.

"Nasty temper he's got, that Sirius Black."

Lexi's whole body shook as she processed the information she'd just heard, only able to remain upright by grasping Remus' robes for support. How was this possible? She'd checked all the possible entrances to the castle, each of them were fitted with an anti-intruder alarm, which would resonate through the castle whenever a stranger passed through. All sorts of scenarios were running through her mind when she felt a firm hand on her shoulder.

"Lex, what do we do?" Remus' voice felt distant as he guided her away from the portrait.

"We – err - n-need to search the castle," she stumbled faintly, her whole body felt numb with shock. "H-Headmaster, this cannot have happened too long ago. He will not have gone far."

"I quite agree," Dumbledore concurred calmly. "He may well be in hiding until things have died down. Remus, Lexi, will you please search the floors above? Severus, you will take the dungeons and tell Filius to explore the middle floors. I will inform Pomona and Hagrid to take the grounds."

Lexi's brain had shut down. She was clammy and there was a glisten of cold sweat on her forehead. Her eyes were wide as though someone was coming to deliver a fatal blow. She dashed away from the portrait and up the many steps to the higher floors, images playing in front of her that no one else could see. His manic grey eyes trapping her in a living nightmare for one, tailor-made by her own brain to play on her deepest fear.

"I-I don't understand Remus! I've had intruder alarms at all the entrances, I've monitored the castle every week since I got here," Lexi wailed, her vision half blurred through tears. "How could he have got in?"

Remus didn't answer and was quiet all the way up to the astronomy tower as they finished searching the upper floors.

"What if he'd got to Harry?" Lexi's pained shouts reverberated round the narrow tower steps. "I was sent here to protect him, and I almost led Black to him. What if he'd got to him Remus? I'd never forgive myself."

Lexi felt her legs give way once more and she stumbled into the stone wall. A hysteria she hadn't felt in a long while threatened to engulf her, she felt her chest tighten as though constricted in a fist and her breathing become quick and sharp, desperately trying to gasp for air. Remus rushed over to her as she slid down the wall and collapsed on the floor.

"Lex, please don't torment yourself!" Remus said anxiously, grabbing both her shoulders firmly, forcing her to look at him. "Black is clever and resourceful, his intrusion into the castle has nothing to do with you!"

"I was supposed to protect this castle!" She cried, grasping handfuls of hair and pulling hard. "How the fuck did he get past my anti-intruder detectors?! And the dementors?!"

"Shh, Lexi please," Remus choked, kneeling in front of her. "Don't do this to yourself – "

But his words were drowned out by her loud, racking sobs. Lexi cried like there was too much raw pain inside her to be contained. She cried like her spirit needed to break loose from her skin, desperate to release an elemental rage on the world. She knew her mind was overreacting but she could not contain the rage within. After several moments Lexi ceased and she simply stared at the wall opposite her saying nothing. Remus held onto her hands to prevent her from tugging at her hair.

"Sorry Remus," Lexi garbled. "I didn't mean to lose it like that. I haven't … for years."

"It's okay Lex," Remus soothed. "I remember, from last time -"

"I don't wish to return to that place," Lexi sniffed, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. "Just don't tell Hendrickson, he'll have me committed again."

"I doubt it'll come to that, Lex," Remus assured gently, rubbing the small of her back.

Lexi snorted disbelievingly. "It's slippery slope to a relapse, Remus," Lexi said despondently. "I've felt on edge pretty much since I got here."

"It's understandable that you would feel that way while here, especially after what's transpired tonight." Suggested Remus. "It doesn't mean it's a step back Lex, it just means you've had a lot cope with. Now, let us continue our search of the astronomy tower. Professor Dumbledore will wonder where we've got to."

Lexi smiled weakly and got to her feet. If either of them had turned round, they would have seen a whirl of black robes dart from an alcove and down the steps.

* * *

After a thorough search of the castle it was clear that Black hadn't stuck around after his fight with the Fat Lady. It was almost three in the morning before the teachers had finished their patrols. Lexi and Remus headed to the Great Hall to report their findings to Professor Dumbledore. They found him in a deep discussion with Severus, who was looking distinctly ruffled.

"You remember the conversation we had, Headmaster, just before – ah – the start of term?" Snape asked in a hushed tone.

"I do, Severus," said Dumbledore, and Lexi was surprised to hear something of a warning in his voice.

"It seems – almost impossible – that Black could have entered the school without inside help. I did express my concerns when you appointed – "

"I do not believe a single person inside this castle would have helped Black enter it," said Dumbledore, and by the tone of his voice the conversation was over.

Lexi and Remus turned to each other and raised their eyebrows. Severus could only have been talking about one of them.

"No sign of Black in the astronomy tower Professor or any of the upper floors," Lexi whispered as she drew level with Dumbledore and Severus.

"Not surprising," Dumbledore sighed. "I didn't expect him to linger, he would have anticipated a man hunt."

Lexi's eyes flicked to Severus who was looking at her with a concerned expression.

"I think I will retire for the evening gentlemen," said Lexi. "No doubt Minister Fudge will want an explanation for this evenings events in the morning."

"Let me walk you to –" Remus began, but Lexi cut across him.

"I'll be alright Remus," she assured with a smile. "I'll see you in the morning – I mean, later in the morning." She added lightheartedly.

She could feel Severus' eyes burning in the back of her head as she exited the Great Hall. She felt exhausted, she had forgotten how tiring her panic attacks made her. Maybe she should send an owl to Healer Hendrickson in the morning and request more of her potion, he did recommend she keep a store with her just in case.

* * *

Severus slammed the door to his quarters angrily behind him. He couldn't believe Dumbledore; he refused to even contemplate Lupin helping Black into the castle. Severus realised that Dumbledore's trust had saved his life, but surely he was overlooking the glaringly obvious? He flung himself into his armchair and a fire sprang immediately in the grate opposite, warming his bitter skin.

Then there was what he'd witnessed that evening. His heart practically ached as he'd watched Lexi in the astronomy tower. He hadn't known her trauma went so deep, and to think that she'd had years of these episodes filled up him with a sadness he'd never experienced before. He knew she had nothing to do with Black's intrusion into the castle, he had wounded her so deeply that there was no way she'd wish to aid him in any way.

The urge to gather her up into his arms washed over him once more. He had accepted that he had grown to care for her, but he hadn't quite realised how strongly so until he'd witnessed her this evening. All he wanted to do was to make her pain go away, something he hadn't felt the inclination to do for quite some time.

He was pulled from his reverie by a knock at his door. Sighing audibly in frustration he rose from his chair, not wishing to be bothered by anyone at this hour. He opened the door to find Lexi standing across the threshold, dressed in an ankle length green satin dressing gown. Severus felt momentarily winded, she had a kind of understated beauty, and perhaps it was because she was so disarmingly unaware of her prettiness. To be in her company made him feel as though he was someone, that he was being warmed in summer rays regardless of the season.

"Severus, I'm sorry for the late – well, early call," she said in a small voice. "Can we talk?"

Severus nodded and stepped aside to allow her passage into his quarters. Her presence instantly brought warmth to his normally lifeless quarters.

"I – err – overheard what you were saying to Dumbledore in the Great Hall," she said, leaning on the high-back chair by the fire. "You … you don't think I had anything to do with what happened tonight, do you?"

Severus took a step towards her, his desire to hold her almost overwhelming him and it took all of his resolve not to do so. "I do not," he stated firmly.

"Then what did you –"

"It does not matter," Severus broke in, not wishing to discuss his concerns about Lupin as it'd only serve to upset Lexi further. "This could have waited till a new day for discussion, why come to me now?"

Lexi looked down at her hands that she had clasped in front of her. "I felt … troubled and unable to sleep," she revealed, still averting her gaze.

"Then why come to me?" He asked with surprise.

"You help … me that is," she blurted out, looking up and meeting his gaze. Her azure eyes sparking, which caused his pulse to quicken.

"Help? How?" He questioned, astounded.

"I … can't explain it," Lexi said, running her hand through her curls and Severus had the sudden desire to do the same. "Whatever we have is … well, it helps me a lot."

Severus' arm jerked as he made to reach out to her but instantly thought better of it. He was in far deeper than he first imagined, and though he felt the same as Lexi his overriding emotion was fear. He had never been in this position with a woman before, and he felt conflicted by wanted to run and to remain here, with her.

"I am sorry, Severus," she choked, and Severus was alarmed to see her eyes were glistening. "I shouldn't have said anything –" she made to walk past him and to the door, but in one swift motion Severus stepped in front of her, obstructing her exit.

"It helps me too," he confessed, the simplicity of her closeness sent a wave of butterflies coursing through his veins. "I wish you to know that."

Lexi smiled a smile that could have lit up the night. "I am glad to hear that," she said, her hand closing around his and a bolt of electricity shot up his arm.

What she did next took Severus by such surprise that he had no time to react or stop her. Lexi regarded him for a few seconds before rising on her tip-toes and kissing him softly on the cheek. He eyes flickered shut at the feel of her lips against his skin, and he felt the world fall away. She lingered there for a moment, comforting him in ways that words never could.

"Thank you," she said breathlessly. "Goodnight, Severus."

Severus failed to articulate a response as he heard the door close behind her. He felt as though she had cast a spell on him. He knew what this meant, and he didn't think he could bear it.

* * *

 **Thank you so much for the reviews :) Keep them coming, I love to hear from you! x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Lexi spent much of the next two days fending off various questions and theories about Sirius Black's intrusion to the castle. Rumors of how Black managed such an unheard of incident grew wilder and wilder, from Black being able to turn into a flowering shrub at will or that he was able to move inside the many portraits that littered the castle walls. Lexi would have found this highly amusing were it not for the endless meetings she'd been forced to endure with the Minister and the Head of the Auror Office, Rufus Scrimgeour. Lexi was well equipped to deal with Rufus; they had a sort of like-hate relationship that meant many of their conversations were swift and perfunctory. Cornelius Fudge on the other hand was a different kettle of fish.

As Lexi expected Fudge was not best pleased. This irked Lexi somewhat, particularly due to his public flippancy at the situation and spending many of their meetings dismissing her in such a condescending manner that Lexi was oddly proud that she hadn't yet resorted to physical violence.

"Miss McNaughton, all of your reports have assured me that every inch of that castle is secure!" He shouted angrily from her fireplace the next morning. "You said you had everything under control!"

"All of my reports were accurate at the time they were written!" Lexi replied hotly pinching the bridge of her nose. "I had anti-intruder detectors across the school, and the dementors were stationed at every conceivable entrance to the grounds. I left no stone unturned!"

"Clearly you did," Fudge spat venomously. "Do you have any idea how Black entered the castle?"

"The teachers and I conducted a thorough search of the castle last night and could find no evidence of entry," Lexi said, balling her fists at her side in an attempt to quell her rage, her temper was like dynamite. Once the sparks started to sizzle there was very little time to duck and cover. "It is quite possible that he retreated to the Forbidden Forest, it is almost impossible to canvas that entire area. I have put three dementors at the known entrances to the forest in case he should emerge."

"I am not used to failure from you, McNaughton. See that it does not happen again," Fudge grumbled. "Now, what are you suggesting is done?"

Lexi stared at the fire for a second or two, and then said as calmly as she could, "I am suggesting nightly patrols from myself, and I have spoken with Professor Dumbledore to arrange some help from the teachers. A curfew has also been enforced and teachers will escort students to their dormitories after their evening meal and between lessons. Harry Potter is also under 24 hour observation."

"Good enough I suppose. You are to keep me informed personally, ," Fudge snarled. "I do hope that you're not having trouble with your position, Miss McNaughton?"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Lexi sizzled furiously.

"I mean to say that you and Black were engaged before his true identity was revealed," Fudge retorted angrily. "You were spared much of the initial questioning in August concerning his disappearance owing to your current position and history within the Ministry, but I am beginning to wonder whether we've made a mistake."

"Out with it Minister! You think I helped Black into the castle!" said Lexi furiously. "After all I have been through, you would suspect me of aiding him! The Ministry is well aware of my time at St Mungo's and the reasons for my incarceration!"

"I never said anything of the sort," Fudge huffed indignantly. "I was merely implying that I am concerned as to your mental capacity to handle the situation."

"It is not my capacity to handle the situation that should worry you," Lexi shouted back.

"Meaning?" He articulated slowly in a dangerous voice.

"Throwing dismissive public assurances is fooling no one." She ranted loudly, Lexi very rarely argued with her fists but her words could pack a powerful punch. "You instill less confidence than if a House Elf was Minister!"

"Be very careful with what you say, McNaughton," Fudge warned, his face contorted in fury. "One day those word may very well come back to haunt you."

"Is that a threat?" Lexi asked, feeling the breaking point of her patience.

"Ensure it does not need to be," he growled.

"You piece of –"

"I will have a report on my desk by tomorrow detailing the all of the castles weak points and your plans to ensure their security. Good day." Fudge barked and with a small pop his disappeared.

Lexi threw the glass of water she'd be holding at the back of the grate causing it to smash. After all she'd done for the Ministry, after all she had been through he'd think so little of her as to bring that up? She sank to the chair opposite the grate, holding her head in her hands. The whole situation of Black's intrusion to the castle was bad enough without Fudge questioning her mental stability. She'd done quite enough of that herself over the years.

Lexi checked her watch and the time was past 7:30, breakfast would be well under way and she hadn't even prepared her classes for the day. Grumbling an assortment of swear words, Lexi dressed in her purple teaching robes with a flick of her wand, pulled her hair in a loose braid and not bothering to apply even a small amount of make up. The last thing she cared about was her appearance, and perhaps it would have the added bonus of scaring away any unwanted interactions today.

"Lex, you look awful," Remus voiced over breakfast. "Did you get any sleep at all?"

Lexi, who had been staring bleary-eyed across the room while munching her way slowly through a mouthful of cereal, flinched at being addressed directly and dribbled milk down her chin.

"Merlin, Remus," she startled breathily, swallowing her well-masticated mouthful and wiping the milk away with her sleeve. "It's quite obvious that I didn't. Plus I had a six o'clock meeting with Fudge that turned into a character assassination."

"Oh dear, I assume he laid the blame firmly on your shoulders," Remus said sympathetically, handing Lexi her second mug of coffee.

"Pretty much, although to be fair to Fudge, it sort of is," Lexi sighed dejectically. "It my job to ensure the safety of the students within the castle, and somehow Black slipped through my defences." She paused, holding her chin with her hand in a contemplative manner. "What baffles me is how he did it, my anti-intruder jinxes would have detected anyone who was not staff or student in this castle."

"Most curious," Remus responded airily, not seeming to share the same intrigue as Lexi did. "He is, as we know, a former Death Eater so perhaps he is privy to magic we are not."

"We keep saying that, but I just don't believe it anymore." Lexi pondered, rubbing her sleep-deprived eyes with her knuckles. "I think he's hiding in plain sight, and I'm just not seeing it."

"How would he do that?" Remus asked, not looking at her.

"That's what I have to find out," Lexi said determinedly. "You know, I'm starting to wonder whether that rumour about him being able to transfigure himself into a pot plant is true."

"Well, I wish you luck with that," Remus said with what sounded like a forced laugh as he rose from the table. "Herbology was never your strong point."

Lexi regarded him with a slight suspicion. "Everything alright, Remus?" She asked, narrowing her eyes as his gaze dropped from hers. "You seem a little ruffled."

"Oh, nothing, I'm fine just … like you, didn't sleep much." He answered quickly. "Anyway, I'd better go and set up for my first lesson."

Lexi watched him hurry from the Great Hall with a furrowed brow, he was obviously not telling her something but she was baffled as to what that might be. Their relationship was one of deep trust, and if she was honest Lexi felt a little hurt that if indeed something was bothering him that he could not, or would not discuss it with her.

"Lexi, might I have a word," she heard Minerva's firm voice pronounce from beside her.

"Yes, what is it," she said rather harsher than she intended, and instantly felt the sting of her former Head of House's stern glare. "I'm sorry, Minerva. It's been a rather trying twenty four hours."

"To say the least," Minerva agreed grimly, and Lexi noted sizable purple bags under her eyes. "I received your owl this morning requesting extra security for Potter, which I will of course oversee personally."

"Thank you," Lexi breathed a sigh of relief. "Fudge was rather harsh in his accusations that my priorities were not centred on the job in hand."

Minerva clucked her disapproval. "The man knows how to burn bridges," she said haughtily. "I trust you gave him a piece of your mind?"

"A little too much I think," Lexi admitted regretfully. "I imagine I'll pay for it at some point." Lexi drained the last of her coffee, wishing to change the subject. "Minerva, I also think it would be prudent to inform Harry that Black is targeting him."

Minerva blinked in surprise. "You mean, inform him that one of the wizarding world's most dangerous and notorious fugitives is after him?" She confirmed as Lexi nodded grimly. "He is a thirteen year old boy, and has been subjected to quite enough torment in his life."

"I appreciate that, but I would like him to at least appreciate the danger he is in," Lexi argued. "If he's anything like his Dad he'll get himself into mischief without even trying. I wish him to remain on his guard."

Minerva considered her proposal for a moment. "Very well," she accepted grudgingly. "I will inform the boy this afternoon."

"Thank you," Lexi said gratefully. "I've told Madam Hooch that I'll oversee the Gryffindor Quidditch practices this week."

Minerva nodded and stood. "Minister Fudge is a fool," she said sharply. "Do not let the bastard grind you down."

"Minerva! I am shocked," Lexi laughed as Minerva's eyes twinkled mischievously. "But seriously, thank you. I appreciate the support."

"You are never short of that here," Minerva said warmly, allowing Lexi a thin-lipped smile before exited the hall. Feeling a little more chipper than she had done, Lexi left to scribble a hasty lesson plan for her first-years. Luckily she was well versed in what James would have called 'winging it'.

* * *

The next couple of days were rather grim, not least due to the stormy turn the weather had taken. Frequent gales blasted icy winds and storms pelted the grounds with what felt like small arrows. The cold had begun to numb Lexi's extremities; as she sat in the stands of the Quidditch pitch. She clasped a flask of tea between her hands for warmth, which was beginning to leach into the frozen air. She watched with amusement as Captain Oliver Wood barked orders to a rather bedraggled looking team who stood huddled in a shivering mass on the pitch.

Lexi herself had played Beater on the Gryffindor team under James' guidance as captain. They had won the cup three years in a row, mainly due to some spectacular goals from James and their other two chasers. Lexi had proved to be a formidable force to be reckoned with on the pitch, with James often commenting that Lexi's goal on the pitch was to knock out as many of the opposing players as possible.

"Nice one," Lexi shouted approvingly as Harry caught the Snitch in an impressive fashion from barely a metre in front of her.

Lexi recalled Harry zooming around her feet on a toy broomstick when he was barely a year old. James had taken it upon himself to 'get Harry ready' for Quidditch, with high hopes of his son following in his footsteps and becoming Quidditch Captain. Judging by his performance in training tonight, Lexi had no doubt that he'd make his Dad very proud.

"Right, time's up," Lexi called to the team as it neared nine o'clock and curfew. "Store your equipment back in the sheds, I'll wait here and escort you up when you're done."

The team nodded, Wood rather begrudgingly, and headed to the changing rooms. A few moments later they returned and the group headed back towards the castle.

"Professor McGonagall spoke to me the other day," Harry said conversationally, hanging back to walk with Lexi. She had the suspicion he'd had the desire to mention this all evening. "She told me Black is after me."

"She did?" Lexi answered, giving nothing away. "How do you feel about it?"

"I knew anyway, I overheard Mr –" he caught himself before he fully revealed the name "- someone talking about it a while ago." He sighed, suddenly seeming much older than his teenage years. "I don't know how I feel about it really," he admitted. "I mean I know I should be scared … but I'm not. And that makes me scared. If you get me?"

"Just about," she smiled as they approached the courtyard preceding the entrance to the castle. "I realise that Black getting into the castle at Halloween may seem as though you are not safe, but rest assured that while within these walls he cannot and will not find you. Alright?"

Harry nodded. "There is something else though," he continued, waving his goodbyes to the others as him and Lexi lingered in the entrance hall. "This person that I overheard talking also said I shouldn't go looking for Black. Why would he say that?"

Lexi's body stiffened at Harry's question, and she cleared her throat. "I haven't a clue," she said ruefully, looking at the space on the wall behind him. "I think perhaps whomever it is you overheard had heard of you escapades at the school and was concerned you'd attempt to apprehend him."

"I guess, but I'm not stupid enough to go looking for someone who wants to kill me." Harry perplexed, looking unsure. "I'm not that thick."

"No one thinks you're thick, Harry," Lexi assured, clapping him on the shoulder. "We're all just concerned for your safety, and judging from the scrapes you've got into at Hogwarts our concern isn't wholly unjustified." She smiled reassuringly at him. "Listen, it's almost past curfew, you'd best be getting back to your dorms."

"Urgh, and I've still got Professor Snape's homework to do," he groaned, his shoulders slouched as if in defeat. "See you, Lexi."

"Try to keep out of trouble now," Lexi smiled as Harry ascended up the marble staircase.

"Can't promise anything," he shrugged before disappearing from view.

Lexi chuckled and stretched her arms above her head, feeling decidedly less frazzled than she had done at the beginning of the week. Breathing a long contended sight, she headed as she did each night to the astronomy tower. When she arrived she saw that Severus was already there. He sat on the floor with his back to the wall; his nose was deep in a large, leather-bound book that Lexi didn't recognize.

"You know, in the Muggle world you'd be classed as a nerd," she announced her presence with a quip and seated herself opposite him.

"Am I to assume that such a term would be a detrimental one?" He asked cynically, not looking up.

"Some people wear the term as a badge of honour," Lexi assured, failing to hide the smile playing about her lips. "I've always found someone with a sharp mind to be attractive."

"That is very interesting," he replied dryly. "You do recall being engaged to Sirius Black, do you not?"

Lexi narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips in response to his comment. "I do, sadly, and thanks for reminding me," she grumbled, folding her arms across her chest. "We are all entitled to our mistakes, and that is one I shall never forgive myself for making."

Severus finally turned his attention from his book to her, his signature unreadable expression giving nothing away. "You cannot punish yourself, Black was a master manipulator, even hoodwinking the great Albus Dumbledore," he said firmly. "You weren't to know of his true allegiance. None of us were."

"Us?" Lexi affirmed, sitting forward and crossing her legs underneath her.

"Yes, us," he answered shortly. "During my time as a spy for Dumbledore I never heard the Dark Lord mention Black as an ally once." He ignored Lexi's snort of derision. "If I'd have known of the plan for Black to betray the Potters, I assure you I would have put a stop to it."

There was such raw sincerity in Severus' eyes that Lexi hadn't seen before, and in that moment she knew that she believed him completely. "May I ask you something?" Lexi ventured, emboldened by Severus' honesty.

Severus didn't answer but he gave no indication that she could not continue with her question.

"Why did you leave the Death Eaters?" She probed tentatively. "I mean, it was all very sudden and all Dumbledore said at your hearing was that it was at 'great personal risk'."

Severus inhaled deeply through his nose and she knew instantly from the look in his eyes that she may have delved too deeply. He fixed Lexi with a stare that could have frozen an ocean, and when he spoke it came out as a snarl. "That has nothing to do with you."

Lexi dropped her gaze to her lap, not wishing to look at him for fear she'd be stabbed to death by the daggers emanating from his eyes. "I have revealed more than my fair share of myself to you," she continued daringly. "I trust you, Severus. Yet I feel as though you do not trust me."

She heard Severus growl a little, and when she finally peeked up at him she saw that his fury had lessened but had been replaced by an expression of apprehension, even fear. As though he had dived into the deep end of a pool unable to swim.

"It is not that, it's –" he paused, closing his eyes and taking a steadying breath. "Only Dumbledore knows of my reasons, and I do not speak of them to anyone else as it is … difficult for me relive those memories." His honest eyes bored into Lexi's as if he was trying to convince her that he was not lying. "It is not that I do not trust you, I have revealed more of myself to you that I thought possible, but I cannot …" his voice cracked under the weight of the emotion the conversation carried.

He stood abruptly, and leant on the balcony, his eyes screwed shut as if trying to block out the pain of what was bombarding his mind. Lexi got to her feet and stood beside him with her back to the grounds, she reached out and placed her hand on his upper arm. Unlike other times when she'd made physical contact with him she did not feel him tense up, instead his whole body seemed to relax at her touch.

"I know what it's like, carrying the burden of your past with you," Lexi intoned gently. "The emptiness and the sheer nothingness that came with losing two people I loved took over my soul and threatened to kill me entirely. I understand why it is impossible for you to speak of something which makes you feel that way." His lips parted slightly and he sighed deeply, and the earlier tension that had surrounded them lifted. "You are a very different man from the one I knew."

His eyes opened slowly and their deep blackness landed on her. "How can you tell?" He whispered. "You barely know me."

"I just know," she promised sincerely. "Even if you do not believe me, please believe that I believe."

Severus took his time to answer, as though he was having trouble processing what she had said. "I do," he breathed, reaching up slowly and placing his hand on top of hers.

It was at that moment that everything seemed to be in a state of tranquility. Severus felt to Lexi like an unsolved puzzle, that she needed to go out of her way to find all the other pieces. There was no one there but the two of them, spirited away from the rest of the world accompanied by an unlikely companion.

* * *

 **Thank you once again for the reviews :) x**


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